The following stories are all true stories, some of which could break how we see reality as being linearly causal.
• These instances exhibit:
~ Things beginning to correspond to your spiritual state and/or the spiritual state of what’s around you in a way that makes it seem the outer aligns with you – both thus knowing things of one the other that they couldn’t know according to conventional knowledge.
~ Hallucinations occurring.
~ Otherwise thought of as impossible things happening.
• Potential causes:
~ This often highlights an energetic/mental or psychic connection or immaterial/intangible relationship being a mutual feeling between oneself and others (including animals) (- and to which also things may begin to respond). When someone/something responds to your inner state of being (which may include hallucinations), this would be indicative of an energetic layer that bridges between the inner and outer.
~ This also highlights the possibility that things are connected beyond ordinary linear causality, (also) guiding/orchestrating (seeming) coincidence/alignment to be created.
~ Hallucinations would be a consequence of interactions with one’s energetic body/mind of this energetic layer, harboring the lighter energetic forms/forces. One’s breathing also seems to be corresponding to this energetic layer.
As this happens one may get the idea one is interfacing with something that governs and ‘crafts’ (even if its an automated mechanism) these occurrences, revealing a hidden additional dimension to things.
• These instances speak of:
~ Cases of (extreme) coincidence occurring/things being orchestrated by fate(: ‘coincidences’ that would be so unlikely to happen, you start to wonder if they’re coincidences at all).
~ The internal (including thoughts and hallucinations) and external (including the behavior of animals and/or technology) running parallel in thought of as impossible ways.
~ People being able to pick up on each other’s aura and thoughts, and otherwise be connected in ways not ordinarily thought to be the case.
~ Humans and animals/plants interacting in thought of as impossible ways.
~ Something that allows for you to be aligned with future events: there being a reaction in you to something before it happens. And something that allows for you to cause something that has already happened: exert an influence in a way that seems to transcend ordinary causality.
~ Otherwise thought of as impossible things happening.
• Many of these instances (would seem to) exhibit:
Things within or having to do with one(: the energy/tenson/feeling one feels, things in one’s consciousness, or things about one) and the outer world (other things or others and their words and actions) begin to align, intertwine, interact, or attune to one another in a way that seems to surpass everyday linear causality: seemingly separate things begin to interrelate and respond to one another, also in ways that would make it extremely coincidental – as if things were orchestrated/pre-aligned ahead of time (perhaps as if through an extra overseeing dimension through which things are foreseen/seen coming) – or as if one’s thoughts and/or energy may influence or be influenced by other’s or other things, through (mental/psychic or otherwise) energetics.
To word this in a few ways:
~ Things around you are influenced energetically/mentally or psychically, manifesting as seeming coincidences (through which the universe or forces can respond to you and your internal thoughts/feelings and vice versa).
~ The thought/spirit-field energetics begins to influence things around you energetically/through changing the feeling within and around you/it.
~ Things outside of you beginning to respond to your consciousness or spiritual (thoughts)/energetic (of the feeling in the body) state of being.
~ The inner (or things pertaining to the person) and outer being connected/aligned.
~ The inner forming around the outer (also ahead of time, surpassing ordinary causality) and the outer forming after the inner.
~ The inner (or things pertaining to the person) and outer acting as though they’re one(: thus one’s inner/intimacy or a spirit/spiritual state of being such as thoughts or feeling energies being expressed through the outer).
~ Things in your inner or pertaining to you being connected to things outside of you.
~ One’s inner: one’s thinking (including things pertaining to one), feeling(s)/psyche, and the outer world becoming intertwined/aligned/interacting in such a way that implies either of them knows or was at least directed by something that knows things about the other that you/it could not have known, and/or are connected energetically/psychically(: in a way that involves one’s thinking, as it seems able to anticipate and respond to how you interpret something) – resulting in, for instance: divine timing (- so are connected in ways beyond those we ordinarily perceive).
~ Things being connected with one another beyond just through the outer/in ways we ordinarily perceive, and/or through energetics/mentally or psychically(: meaning in a way that involves one’s thinking and feeling as it is able to anticipate your interpretation and able to understand what your interpretation would mean): the inner and outer interacting, the outer acting as though it is encompassed or influenced by the inner, the inner also encompassing the outer, the outer acting to forms itself around/as consequence of the inner or so as to pertain to one as a person, and/or the inner forming itself around the outer to create the outer as part of it.
• What I think:
~ There is an energetic/auric layer. It can connect us, even across distances.
~ This energetic layer responds to thought, so also is a psychic(: of the psyche/spirit)/mental layer.
~ One’s thinking and/or energetic state of being(: one’s inner) can influence someone else’s.
~ This energetic/auric/psychic layer can influence things and living beings.
~ This energetic/auric/psychic layer can, at times, develop its own volition.
~ Things can happen through fate.
~ There is an orchestrating force, which can make it so things happen, or would happen, a certain way – like making it so (what seems to be) a coincidence would happen. (Like the cells in the body function as one whole, nature has a way of making separate things function as one whole: create ‘order’, or ‘music’, among otherwise random factors, harmonization beyond the separated part/thing.)
~ You can have an energetic/auric/psychic(/mental) ‘glow up’: momentarily rise to a higher frequency with your aura. Hallucinatory effects include intensified visual snow: the grain of your eyes (like when you rub your eyes too hard or walk into a dark room) in your vision – looking like ‘static electricity’ or ‘light’, which is connected to the feeling in your body and can give and/or light or weightless or smooth/soft sensation. Often, goes accompanied by a warping of the perspective (the horizon may seem small and close by), a very tranquil awareness – and can occur together with a very light-headed or thin awareness. One may also see hallucinatory lights (whitish spots, or larger), colors (colored lights/spots, or colored shapes of any kind, like rainbow colors in the leaves and purple crystals hanging by the bottom of the leaves of the tree you’re looking at – and sometimes resembling real-life objects of any kind, including Luigi from the Mario games hanging upside down eating soup, a tram or ambulance whizzing by in your vision, or perhaps seeing the contents of a Windows desktop screen throughout your backyard), or dark spots or shadows. One may hear sounds being distorted (like happened to me when I heard the church bell ring). All of these examples happened to me.
~ Hallucinations are, or can be, a reflection of the state of – or interactions with – one’s energy/energetic body/aura or the energetic/auric layer (which influences and is influenced by one’s mind, so is psychic as well), or simply put: these hallucinations can be connected to the feeling you feel in and around your body, and so be manifestation of the same energy in and around the body which causes that. These energies and hallucinations can have tangible effect on the physical state of what’s around it, and can influence other people/animals.
~ This proactive auric layer can (though not consciously aware as such) ‘interpret’ meaning.
~ This energetic/auric/psychic layer can work in ways that transcend ordinary space and time.
~ Our breath is connected to this energetic/auric/psychic field in some way.
~ Animals and plants have special auric abilities unknown to mankind.
~ Spiritually/psychically/energetically directed change in (energetic) atmospheric conditions, or perceived (including: energetic) pressure differences.
• When having consumed the mind-altering substance Speed with a friend (Wouter), I was having anxiety. I decided to watch a video of a YouTuber (Michael Jamison) who has a lot of animals and shows them, on my phone. Suddenly, I noticed that the signal of my mind was much more consistent, where it kept getting disturbed a second ago. I began seeing the flickering of a bright white hallucinatory light all across my vision. This went on. Then my friend Wouter told me “a little less power please.” (in my native language Dutch: “wat minder vermogen alsjeblieft.”), when neither of us were saying anything (we were the only ones there), as if seeing the light as well.
• I had thought about this same friend: “if only I had never met him, everything would have been fine!”, alone by myself in my room, privately, in my head. When visiting him at a later time, on Speed, he knew to tell me that I had said that in those exact words. He said: “and then I use my little satellite, and fly to your room, and hear you say “if only I had never met this guy…”” et cetera (in my native language Dutch: “dan gebruik ik mijn satellietje, vlieg ik naar je kamer en hoor ik je zeggen “had ik die (…) maar nooit ontmoet…”” etc.). I was looking at him as he said this.
• Here is another interesting example of something that could occur during ‘psychic activation’ (as a consequence of consuming Speed). I was at my friend’s (Wouter) house, on Speed. I was sitting on the couch and he was busy doing something like setting up the video game system. Wouter was talking, saying all kinds of things, and I was listening – but intuitively it resonated as if he was making a point about something else. I don’t remember exactly what that point was, or what he was saying in the first place, but I remember it was about animals (of which I was/am a big fan) not being able to do or doing something. Suddenly, I felt like an invisible thorn going through the pupil of my left eye, as if there was an energetic obstruction – which I took as being caused by or reflecting this, in my opinion, incorrect statement, or way of seeing things that went against the way I see things. It actually made my eye dry. In my mind, I thought of an example I had recently seen that disproved what my friend had just asserted – and that same second, so immediately, the ‘invisible thorn’ disappeared.
Later that night, we (me and this same friend) were playing a video game (on the Nintendo Switch, hooked up to the TV). After we paused, but let the video game run in the background on like the menu screen or something, suddenly, I could as it were feel something, as it were, digging a ‘tunnel’ or ‘hole’ down the top of my head (over the course of a second) – two to three centimeters deep and about two centimeters in diameter. This was of the same nature as the ‘invisible thorn’, of the same energetic ‘material’, if you will (I suspect it has something to do with electricity or static electricity, though it felt like an actual ‘hole’ or ‘tunnel’). Although it didn’t quite hurt, it didn’t seem like it was healthy to let it sit there either. I swiped my hand over it to take it away (which worked immediately). That exact instant (or at least that same half of a second), when neither of us was touching it, the Nintendo Switch (the regular model, black) got a random error message – as if being caused by me swiping my hand over my head to take this energetic anomaly that was this ‘hole’ or ‘tunnel’ down the top of my head away, which would then have disturbed the video game system electrically, or in some other way. It was an unknown error, it said – which came with an error code consisting of a sequence of numbers or numbers and letters, which characters I can’t recall exactly. The only option it showed was to press ‘ok’, which made the game quit. I had never seen that error before and haven’t seen it since, nor have I seen it give that kind of error randomly occur during the menu screen, so it is probably pretty rare. My friend told me: “see? That was an innocent woman.” (in my native language Dutch: “zie je? Dat was een onschuldige vrouw”), as if I would know what that would mean.
• At my birthday party, this same friend attended. I started hallucinating a little bit, began to see light from the grain of my vision accumulate a little bit. When the hallucination was about to pop off, someone said something, and I turned my head. My friend said, jokingly, in a sad voice: “what are you doing? We could have seen it and now we didn’t see it!”, as if also noticing this.
• Later that night, my smoke detector went off. I got a broom to press the ‘off’ button. The smoke detector stopped right when the tip of the broom was about to hit the button – but didn’t. My friend remarked: “you’re using ‘the force’!”.
• A different time, I had been considering if everyone in the world were aliens. When I was at my friend’s house for a little escapade, while we were talking, at one point he said: “alright, and know the alien game is over too!” (in my native language Dutch: “zo, en nu is het alien-spelletje ook voorbij!”), as if knowing I had been considering/pretending just that – while I hadn’t told anyone.
• I was at Wouter’s house again. On Speed, I had sent a girl a message I regretted. I would have this effect where anxiety and fear would cause a hallucinatory kind of swampy farty smell. As I was regretting my strategy, I smelled this too then. After a while my friend said: “that is kind of a poopy-pants, alright” (in my native language Dutch: dat is wel een poepbroek, hoor”).
• A different time at Wouter’s, I was having busy thoughts. He had just lit some incense. He held it under my nose, saying “here, this will calm your nerves” (in my native language Dutch: “hier, wordt je rustig van”). With the inhale I took, at once (surprisingly fast, to where it surprised and seemed unusual to me), the busy thoughts were replaced with a soft feeling that filled my belly.
• Yet another time at Wouter’s, he said he had Speed. After he said this, I could really go for some. As I could not control the feeling of anxiety for a couple minutes, he said something like: “I’ll go get the Speed because I can tell you’re getting antsy about it” – without having said anything. While very high on Speed, I felt like I was being psychically attacked. After a while, it felt like my aura was being beat up, and I was being chased, everywhere I went, including at home. A couple weeks later, I was hanging out with my friend Wouter. As happened more often when we got very high on Speed, he ended up giving me a rant about all the things I was supposed to be doing wrong (not in those words, but it came down to that). After a while he told me: “…[or thinking it’s cool] that you got beaten up by the whole city!” (in my native language Dutch: “…[of denken dat het stoer is] dat je door de hele stad in mekaar geslagen bent!”). To me, an interesting coincidence. And I, again, was looking at him while he said this. To me, at the time, it seemed like I was still carrying the idea that this happened, and he somehow picked up on this. Who knows where he even got the idea..?
• I was in the car with Wouter and another friend, with the radio on. At the time, I had some trouble with compulsory thoughts and having things said be correct, and such. I hadn’t discussed this with anyone. When the weather forecast came on and they were about to mention the temperatures Wouter turned down the volume and said: “there, now you didn’t hear it. So yours already doesn’t work anymore” (in my native language Dutch: “zo, nu heb je het niet gehoord. Dus die van jou doet het al niet meer”). Then, a brief silence fell. To me, it spoke directly to my sometimes compulsory thoughts and perfectionism in that – and I, to this day, don’t know what he would have been talking about otherwise.
• Late at night, on LSD and Speed, I was standing in my backyard and looking at a big pine tree that had been cut down halfway. I imagined the tree must not have liked that, and trying to make it feel better I refusingly told it: “no, no, I only see a big healthy pine tree”. When I did , I saw, in a flash of like 0,75 seconds long, a small – sort of – ‘cloud’ of white hallucinatory light in the air above me. Almost right after that (not a second later), a little bat that came from the side, flew a couple circles where it had just occurred, and flew off.
The reason I find this interesting is – though, technically, it most likely was a coincidence: it makes you feel like you’re connected to something bigger than yourself, or a more omnipotent aspect of reality, which cares how things pertain or seem to you as a person – when such a thing happens. The question of why such coincidences occur, resembles the question religious people often pose of ‘what made the coincidence that is our existence occur?’. In theoretical physics, a similar question is asked: how could the universe be so fine-tuned for life? Often, you’ll see that these coincidences correspond to something in your inner, or you as a person – thus, could be the consequence of things following and orienting around that. An example of things following or aligning according to the inner – as seen from the outer: ‘auric’/energetic interrelation, for instance: me sending out certain energy and the bat (or something else) responding to it, either consciously or subconsciously. In the question of how it is we, or life, arose this is also relevant, as the question is about how it is things could be so that they have aligned themselves such that our inners, or we as persons, arose – in other words: things following or aligning with the inner, or orienting themselves around you as a person, in some way. Life, and the inner that follows, could be be a more fundamental and intrinsic part of the equation than just an emergent property.
• When visiting a friend (whom we’ll call x), we were using Speed. I was having high anxiety that night. I was having anxiety. It being noticeable, I decided to explain to her in my mind, with my thoughts what was going on (I did not say a word out loud). When I had started doing so, after about two to three seconds she turned to me and said: “suddenly I’m hearing all kinds of voices and sirens”. During this anxiety, I was being gaslit in my head about doing bad things. At one point, after being very careful and trying to make sure it was understood I was calm, I had had enough – and when a thought implied I would do something bad and I spitefully agreed, that same second, as a reflex, she turned her head towards me with a frightened look on her face in a split second. So minds are able to pick up on each other like this.
• At some point that same night, I felt it became more difficult to breathe. Previously, I had made a website about all the crazy stuff I had seen happen on Speed, and talk about events as I experienced them at the time: ‘Ivo Bär & Birds, Cats, Dogs, other Animals‘. Looking for comfort, I opened the website. Suddenly, I felt like fresh air surrounded me and I could breathe. It being early in the morning, around 04:30 in the morning, about the time birds wake up, birds started chirping. These bird sounds tend to take anxiety away for me. When focusing on their sounds, as I still had high anxiety, this anxiety vanished notably quickly. Something that had been happening to me at times is that I started hearing hallucinatory bird sounds come from my nose or right in front of my face. I heard a hallucinatory bird noise come from my nose that moment as well, and the remaining anxiety disappeared altogether (as if my aura had been cleansed). A second after I heard the noise, my friend looked at me and said challengingly and said “oh, but that’s impossible, right?” (in my native language Dutch: “Maar dat kan toch helemaal niet?”), when nothing else was being said. (So there at least was a mutually felt sense of the bird noise taking away my anxiety.) The next day, she said she remembered nothing of the whole later part of that night.
• On Speed, I was watching a video about two polar bears on the North Pole approaching a big vehicle. Me contemplating the dangers this might have meant for them, I looked and mumbled “run!”. At the exact moment I did that, the polar bears got startled and jumped up at the same time.
• One time, also on Speed, when I deliberately ‘breathed into’ (deliberately ‘pointing’ with your mind and aiming your breath there mentally, imagining this is makes it so the ‘breath’ – or rather the psychic charge associated with the breath – will then land there) the video – at the exact spot where I aimed, a coat hanger, that was hanging there on a rack in the background, suddenly got gittered out of nowhere, as if having been touched or hit by someone. I had been doing this ‘breathing into’ the video for a while, like a half hour to an hour, and – back then, in my naivety, had begun to see all kinds of connections: such as then when I breathed into the video, the shade of the video suddenly became more blueish, which color corresponded to a higher chakra, so I had blown a higher ‘chakra resonance’ into the video – and more of such ideas which I imagined. But it does not explain how the exact spot I was targeting with my mind, that was not being touched directly of indirectly, gittered a coat hanger exactly when I ‘breathed into’ the video. This is an example of how these psychic phenomena first start out with one imagining a lot of patterns, as it were as a side effect of trying to open the door to these ‘higher dimensional’ occurrences actually occurring that normally aren’t possible, thanks to the substance you’re using. You could say it’s coincidence, but you have to wonder if it would be too much of a coincidence to be that: the chance of it happening is so small that it happening probably has a causal relationship (just one we’re not familiar with) rather than being pure coincidence.
• There were a few birds in my backyard. They were singing. I was sitting in my room, facing the backyard. After a while, I started thinking about stuff. Meanwhile, the birds quieted down a bit. Realizing the birds were still there, I said to myself: “let me just sit with the birds”, and when I did the birds started chirping again.
• I was admitted to a psychosis clinic by the authorities. When there, me and a friend decided to visit the city center for the afternoon. Another friend (the friend from the story above) came walking towards us – we had agreed to meet there. She had another friend (Lianne) with her. We had smoked a joint. I was overcome with negative (draining) thoughts. My eye turned to the third friend who came walking towards us. Her clothes were fine, but I couldn’t stop myself from associating her clothes with the unaesthetic clothes from a metaphorical concentration camp. I tried to stop the anxiety and thoughts. Nobody had said a word. When I gave in to the thoughts and started to agree with them, the fellow right next to me looked at me, and said: “why do you say negative things about her? She is your friend” (while both of us had been silent). He was able to pick up on what was going through my mind when it did. Also, those types of ways where one is gaslighted by treacherous thought patterns can occur during – and can be quite typical of – psychic activation, as may happen after smoking weed or using other substances (such as Speed, LSD or ketamine).
• I was sitting, alone in my room, by the window. Out of nothing, I felt the need to look in front of me a little angrily, as if someone was looking at me a certain way. A second after I did, a loud train horn went off, which rarely happens.
• One time, on Speed, I was in my yard, I looked up at the sky, I saw the grain of my vision intensifying to form a sort of ‘screen’ of hallucinatory light (a sort of intensified visual snow). Then, it quickly dispersed to the edges of my vision and right after that, a shooting star happened.
• I was at home, on Speed, with a friend (Frans). We were talking. In a moment of silence, I subconsciously ran feedback in my mind of if what I just said was right, and when my conclusion was it wasn’t and I started correcting myself in my inner dialogue, while saying nothing, my friend looked at me and said: “but you should never say things aren’t going well” (in my native language Dutch: “maar je moet nooit zeggen dat het niet goed gaat”). A day later, still hanging out with him, we were sitting, and I heard a noise from the neighbors I felt was directed at me. A stomped my foot, and he said: “wow, I saw a face flying towards you [when hearing that noise]”. Also, when tripping out and reaching light consciousness: a balanced, light, vibration of feeling, I felt – whenever I reached this – that my neighbor would make noise to disturb this. That day it happened again and my friend hit the wall on the other side of which the neighbor lived and yelled to the neighbor: “hey, let that kid space out peacefully” (in my native language Dutch: “hey! Laat die jongen eens rustig spacen!”). Although my neighbors intention never was to disturb me, there is a certain going parallel of energies and these apparently cause these disturbances multiple notice as typical. He stayed with me for three days. In a later moment, when others were visiting as well – without noticing myself until my friend said something – I kind of was out of breath, until I got a breath and looked towards my friend and nodded ‘yes!’. Then he said: “I’m not that picky, haha” (in my native language Dutch: “ik ben niet zo kieskeurig, hoor”) so as to say any breath is good enough for him. It was only then I fully realized what happened (I had ‘picked’ his breath subconsciously).
• I was at home with this same friend, who had just came in. We sat down. When I had a thought about him, he said: “did you say something?” (in my native language Dutch: “zei je iets?”), I said: “huh?”, and he said: “you said something. What did you say?” (in my native language Dutch: “je zei iets. Wat zei je?”).
• A year or two earlier, still with this same friend, I experienced something similar. We were hanging out at my house. While we were talking, and a thought crossed my mind about how, with his character traits, he might be less good at this or that. Then, out of the blue (completely out of context of the conversation we were having) he said: “actually, about me only positive things are being [to be] said” (in my native language Dutch: “over mij worden eigenlijk alleen positieve dingen gezegd”), as if he had picked up on the thought placing him in a negative light (maybe it was a little demeaning) that had crossed my mind.
• After smoking weed with refugees from Iraq at the coffeeshop (weed dispensary), when walking home, I began to see white-yellowish light – formed by the pulsating visual snow (the grain you see when you close or press your eyes, or are light-headed) – in front of my vision. And the streetlights on the street I was on went off for a couple seconds, and then on again.
• I was at a friend’s (Youri) house, who has a baby. I had a visual hallucination of my vision slowly changing its position in place, and right after that moment, the quiet baby that was in the room made a noise as if triggered by something.
• I was outside, hanging out with a couple people whom I had never met before. We ended up both being on Speed and weed. After a while I had many hallucinations where I saw the visual snow in my vision intensifying and warping the perspective. At one point in the evening, when I had more of those hallucinations, while they were talking, they started deliberately clapping in the center of where it was emanating from time after time, or throw a bottle cap at it, for instance – while looking at me challengingly even, literally as if also seeing or sensing what I was hallucinating.
• I was watching the video of a live streamer (Doelow da Pilotman) (not live, a live stream that had previously happened). I was very high on speed and having all kinds of hallucinations. And about two seconds before someone dropped a donation and the host thanked them for it, I saw a tiny white-yellowish hallucinatory light or dot quickly fly into his room – from the top towards the bottom – rather prominently. This happened twice in a row, with the first and second donation of the stream.
• When at a friend’s (Evert-Jan) house, on Speed and weed, we were watching TV. On my way there, by train, also on Speed, I had passed the national television studios. At the end of the trip I felt like I was a puzzle that needed to have its pieces put back in the right place. Once arrived, I was already playing with the sensation in the body, and trying to keep it (the feeling in my body) as light as possible by applying force a certain way – which I do when opportunities, or rather ‘open doors’, present themselves from time to time. I felt the energy of what I presume was the cat, who had positioned itself underneath me under the couch I was sitting on. I felt a kind of bloated energy expanding from my stomach. I got the idea that by ‘highlighting’/exclaiming certain muscles, I could ‘contain’ that energy. When the feeling set in again, and I did, the cat pooed – as if me interacting with his energy gave the cat stomach rumbles. A bit later, after the cat had been outside, when I wanted to give the cat some attention and went outside, the cat meowed to bring to my attention there was a wounded dove there (it is unclear to me if the cat did it, but when I was there the cat sat by the dove without attacking it). The dove was walking into the window (which reaches to the ground) repeatedly trying to come inside and escape the cold (she felt quite cold already). I took the dove inside for her to warm up in my lap (when I tried to put her outside to see if she wanted to leave, she walked right back into the window repeatedly trying to come back inside).
Then, me and my friend were watching a live talk show. It felt like the mood in my body changed the way what people said was being interpreted. At first someone would start out a bit awkwardly, then, as I justified their contribution in my head, they would speak more confidently. At one point, I saw a translucent cloud coming out of the TV, towards me. Then, we went on to football (soccer), which were the highlights of a game that day. One team was really good. In the meantime, I was having – sort of – glow-ups, where I would feel this really light energy in my legs: I felt the edges of my legs, all in there is a light ‘feelingless’ feeling. I think this was because of the dove, who, when looking at him/her, was making this same auric ‘sound’ my legs were, but better. I remember thinking: “he[/she] knows how to make that sound really well” (in my native language: “zo, die kan dat geluid goed maken”). The dove also gave me several special highs where I got a very light feeling in my body, and came into very meditated spaces which even resulted in visual hallucinatory change in my vision, among other things, that night. I think it was the dove because I was looking at the dove and interacting with her energy when it happened. Anyway, one team playing in the football game we were watching was really good. I was really experiencing how they quickly kicked the ball to one another. Then, my feeling – in the forms, movements and mental games to configure the energy of my body I was taking part in at that point – the feeling in my body kind of felt like I made a jump that would land me, but that the jump was a bit too far. It was a very upfront feeling. The height felt like it was analogous for all the busy activity in me – so it felt like I surpassed a point where, for no apparent reason, it was supposed to have come to a stop for a brief second. And I was supposed to have came down in the jump earlier. I didn’t come down and to a stop in time, and the trajectory I took arched over where it should have landed/stopped, so beyond the point of where I was supposed to have touched down. A few seconds later, like five, the screen cut to a shot of the player running significantly too far to catch the ball. My inner resonance had began to ‘make music’ together with what was on TV – what was happening inside my body resembling what was on TV, ahead of it: resembling what was happening a few seconds later without being able to know what would happen then. Hard to explain, but remarkable.
Drawing of the football field – 1: where the football player had ran to, expecting the ball to land there. 2: where the ball landed.
Later on during that game, I saw a black hallucinatory dot, with a soft heavy feeling as you looked at it, on the field, enter into our room, flying around – and such a spot going back into the TV, flying around there, a little later. From the point I saw the dark spot on, the team that was previously playing so splendidly, now began to lose, as the other team began to pick up.
That night, after my friend went to bed, I had a hallucination where the visual snow in my vision (what you see when you press your eyes) began to accumulate, and a dim hallucinatory light across my vision began to flicker. It became stronger rapidly, to where it produced a small, crisp, picture – made from the ‘light-pixels’ of my vision (visual snow) itself – of a cartoonish flower with five round petals.
Later that night, to keep having this light feeling energy in my aura, I felt like I had to apply force a certain way with my aura. As my aura was still ‘singing along’ with the TV, when we were watching an old movie on TV, someone in the movie sarcastically said: “sorry, but I have to do this really quick!” (in my native language Dutch: “sorry hoor, maar ik moet heel even dit doen!”). And as the woman on screen said that, suddenly, if someone else would be applying force on my aura with theirs exactly the way I had been and was still applying force with mine, accompanied by a rather sinister and rotten hallucinatory smell, set in. And this didn’t go away right away. It only went away through my resistance against it (there wasn’t much I could do about the smell, that stayed a bit longer). (Not to mention that like half a minute later some weird scene involving a dead person in some weird satanic ritual started.) This shows this proactive anomaly, interpreting a situation and language, and using it in a fitting way to generate a response. (The next day, we called the animal ambulance for the dove, which took it from there.)
• I was outside, on a day of national celebration (King’s day), on Speed, smoking a joint, while listening to music from a nearby pub. When the way the DJ mixes the sound, or the music itself, starts to be connected to patterns you begin to see in, and that can determine how your aura is configured, or mental games that influence how your aura is configured: the way a tone feels, where and the way you feel it vibrate in the air, or pointing, and this deciding how the energy of your feeling flows resulting in the overall experience of it – as a sort of layer on top of, and determining, your perceived reality. In this layer, a sort of added ‘dimension’ in a sense, things inside and outside yourself begin to act and interface with you as one unified whole that seems bigger and more ‘omnipotent’ (or rather: ‘able to’) than yourself. Especially when things happen, and in ways, that couldn’t have been planned – or something you feel in one of these ‘mental games’ resembles something that happens a few seconds later on the TV, which you have never watched before so the brain couldn’t have known ahead of time – like I told in my story with the wounded dove (the story above this one). When the brain seems to respond to something before it could have known about that, it would seem that you’re interfacing with something bigger than yourself. How you are in relation to everything, seems to be connected to them. For instance, if you hear the neighbors having a party and you couldn’t prevent a hostile thought about them thought from going through your mind, you hear someone at the neighbor’s say: “now we’re enemies” as a joke to someone else. Or when my other neighbors kept saying things which seemed to pertain to my imaginary conversation I was having with them, and I asked them: “how do you know all this?”, they started passionately singing a song (they regularly sing) with as lyrics: “…through the same spinal cord…”. Also, the way the DJ mixes the sound or the timing in the drums or snare in the music, might exactly wipe away or take the space of a negative thought or auric disturbance, or configure your energy/aura just right. When typing the notes for this story, while it was happening (still sitting there, listening to the music), the way I had left a word caused quite a disturbed feeling in me (a.k.a when I saw it, it felt wrong) in a way that stood out as it happened (and didn’t happen again that day) – and I wanted to leave it that way. Then, when trying to adjust my grip, touching the screen with a couple fingers at once in way different places than the word I had just typed and had wanted to leave that way: by the edges, it selected exactly that word (of all words there). Because things respond as a unified whole, and everyone and everything seems involved in that, and in the context of those energetic/auric games determining the ‘sound’ your energy/aura makes, it seems like we can be energetically/aurically connected.
• One time, on LSD with my friends, we were sitting in a room. There was one person I was particularly interested in. I watched him and got the idea that maybe I can make him feel something by the back of his head if I would try to feel something there. I tried to put energy where I wanted him to feel it, and suddenly he startledly turned his head looked at the wall behind him.
• When responding to a thought outside on Speed when walking down the street, I apparently made it angry when I dissed it by proving it wrong in something: I heard a hallucinatory vague thought-voice say: “fuck!” (in my native language: “kanker!”), and I saw a wave of blackness(: a quick moving shadow of dark looking hallucinatory ‘material’) coming towards my face and eyes and it hurting my head in a second. Simultaneously, and with the same quickness, a mosquito had closely flown in front of my face, had landed in between my eyes for a metaphorical millisecond when the black was about to land, and flew off when it had with the same quickness – protecting me from the wave of anger. I could feel how the aura of the mosquito had protected my eyes significantly and how my head hurt worse further from where the mosquito had landed.
• One time, on Speed, I photographed the neighbor’s kitty (Guusje) and put them on a website. The second I pushed the button that launched the website, I saw the kitty look behind her startledly and run away.
• One time, my head was sore. A specific spot at the top of my head. I stood outside. Crows came flying over, then turned and quickly formed a ball in the sky, which from my perspective was exactly where the pain in my head was, and flew off.
• One time, on Speed, I saw a dark hallucinatory spot fly towards a small tree that was in my neighbor’s backyard at the time in which birds lived. When the spot reached the tree, all birds in it suddenly flew out at once.
• At my neighbor’s (Jochem), I saw a black hallucinatory dot in the air for a second. When my neighbor’s head was in the same place a short moment (a second or two) later, he, as a reflex, startledly moved out of and towards right next to that spot (my left, his right), and turned his head and disturbedly looked right at (the same direction and as far, which then was right in front of his face) where the dot was. This also showcases how the spots were situated in the environment and weren’t stains ‘on top of’ my vision.
• I was at this same neighbor’s. The TV was set to a channel with just noise. A loud tick from crackling in the house came from the other neighbor’s, and immediately following that I saw a solid black noise dot enter in the center of the TV and drifting to the edge. It was far too constant and permanent to be part of the regular noise pattern.
• On multiple occasions, on LSD, right as moments of profound balance initialized, my phone would lose its 4G signal for a moment – which doesn’t otherwise happen ordinarily.
• On Speed, I was walking outside. A mosquito once flew in front of my forehead and as it did it blew up the reality I saw to one way lighter and more colorful for the duration it was there. As he flew away off, reality turned back to normal.
• When listening to bird noises, the longer you listen, the better and more beautiful they begin to sound. First you will hear them kind of in your own voice. When they start sounding better, they will be at a specific: the right, place in your head. And if they throw a beautiful combination at you, you will feel it moving in such a way that frees up space you had not noticed was previously occupied. The longer you listen, the better they sound. What had happened once was that, after a long night of listening to the birds (on Speed), I had been preoccupied with to the wrong thing which put me in a bad state of mind, and went outside for guidance. At once, the bird whistles were absolutely perfect and beautiful as they can be. I noticed four birds, sitting on all sides of me – one on the fence, one on the balcony, another one on the building across my yard, and then another one on the fence. As it were creating a surround sound configuration around me, making me have the perfect sound right away.
• On Speed, I began hearing bird noises in my head, similar to the ones living in the tree in my neighbor’s backyard at the time. When a bird was singing, his tune would continue in my head when the physical one stopped. When, distrusting of sounds in my head, I said “if you’re really with those [real] birds, you’ll let a physical one fly to my window right now!”. Three birds, coming from the tree in my neighbor’s backyard, flew right up to my window, and then back.
• One time, I was on speed, the idea had come to me that everything is a computer. That night, I was under heavy anxiety. I had somehow come to the idea that I was living in a computer, and that everyone around me had always been a sort of videogame character. Because of the anxiety, I felt like I couldn’t stay home. When I went outside, it felt like everyone was making psychopathic remarks towards me. so I decided to try, as a sort of repercussion, what would happen if I saw everyone as a video game character, an ‘NPC’ (‘non-playable character”), and started called them that in my head (in my internal monologue) if I felt I was being ‘verbally’ attacked. (At a different time, I had come to the conclusion that. at least not all people were a computer as I saw the genuinely friendly smile on the face of the person who sold me Speed at the time – he has a friendly smile apparently – and decided there had to be intimacy in that). As I started calling people NPC in my head the anxiety rapidly vanished. At the end of the evening (around 23:30), while I was already walking home, a young guy with dark skin in around his early twenties(?) approached me, who, in a very calming tone of voice, asked me: “do you have cigarette?” (in my native language Dutch: “heb jij sigaret?”). The feeling of intimacy I sensed in his voice kind of brought me back to normality in the sense where I sensed that such intimacy would not come from a computer. About one and a half or a couple of weeks later, it had again come to the point where I was decidedly considering if everything was secretly a computer. When I went outside and walked in the direction of the local supermarket, I ran into the exact same guy asking the exact same question: “do you have cigarette?” (in my native language: “heb jij sigaret?”). I never saw him again after that. I live in a town of about 152.000 people. An incredible coincidence.
• One time, on Speed, I saw a dark gray blackish dot hovering next to me. I noticed it going to sit on my eye by my tear duct. I dragged my finger over it so as to wipe it away, and as it was gone I heard a voice say “almost” (in my native language Dutch: “bijna”). Then, it sat on my tear duct again. I, foolishly, decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and let it sit there. The next thing I knew, it retracted into my eye, and immediately following that my eye hurt quite a lot.
• One time, I was very high on Speed. I had begun to hallucinate negative ‘spirits’ that manifested themselves in the form of black hallucinatory dots that followed me around (to me, that was my idea of fun at the time, and still would be), shadows sweeping by on surfaces, and, sometimes, I’d even see black humanoid silhouettes. At one point, I saw one black dot spin the same circle a few times in a second, and me looking directly into it actually hurt my retina.
• The morning after the first of two times I had thought/considered everything was a computer, my mom showed me pictures of my dad, who has passed away. I had been thinking, or rather considering (don’t ask, lol), that the world is a computer and the people are NPCs. It turns out that if you really feel that, it is not good for your aura. My head had started to hurt. When I looked at the photos on her phone, I saw a black dot shoot out of my right eye, into the phone screen and the right side of my head/face/eye felt much better.
• When on Speed, when walking down the street, my head filled with busy thoughts, I saw a cat. I stood next to him for for a second and a significant silence fell over me.
• I was walking in the meadows, on Speed. There were some ducks in a ditch next to the road I was on, at the far end. I saw a circle of white light left behind me. But I didn’t trust it, so I dragged my foot over it so as to disrupt it – and when I did that the one duck attacked or tried to scare the other, by going after him/her over the water quickly.
• A little later, I was shown an insight, but I did not know if it was a trick and if I should believe it. As I came around and finally said “okay, I believe it”, birds in a tree in a yard nearby all started chirping at the same time.
• One time on Speed, I was watching a video with birds in the background. The exact moment I swallowed, the birds stopped chirping for a second, as if connected to me.
• When chilling with a friend (François), drinking some drinks and smoking some joints, after a while, he started to fall asleep. At some point, after a long silence, I accidentally made a weird noise with my mouth. Coincidentally, in his sleep, my friend made a weird noise with his mouth that followed at the exact moment the one I made had ended. It sounded kind of like a whistle. Also, earlier that day my friend burped the exact moment and for as long as I was snorting a line of Speed without meaning to. A couple days later, having fallen asleep again, the moment I chucked my breath for a second, his breathing stopped for a second as well.
• Sometimes my vision starts to do funny things when on Speed and/or other things. It may rotate bit by bit for example. The moment something happened hallucinatorily: my vision was rotating slowly, and the moment that got disturbed somehow, this same friend made a noise in his sleep.
• I was visiting a couple other friends with this same friend, and two guys were jamming on the guitar. The two guys playing guitar were sitting across from one another, and me and my friend were. The guys playing were nicely in tune. (Meanwhile, I had begun to see this ‘light’ made of intensified visual snow – the same as when you ‘see stars’, or are very light-headed or press your eyes, come from the foot of the one guitar player with with he was keeping the rythm.) When I passed the joint (I was on Speed and weed) to my friend across me, my arm passing before the guys playing guitar, both abruptly stopped playing, being visibly disturbed by my passing through. This shows you can feel other’s auras (for example: imagine you see a dog, you immediately pick up on the atmosphere it has around it).
• When I was outside, on Speed, sitting in a little park by a picnic table, I had put down some bread for the birds. I heard a voice say “ooh, tasty!” (in my native language Dutch: “oeh, lekker.”), then a dove flew to the bread to eat some.
• I had a friend (Bauke) who had some mental problems. When he visited me this one time, we were both on Speed, I would start getting this horrendous feeling in my body. I asked him if he could stop and he said: “try to get rid of this one” (in my native language Dutch: “probeer deze maar eens weg te krijgen”). He went on by saying “okay, I’ll stop for a moment, but in five minutes it’ll go back on” (in my native language Dutch: “oké, ik stop eventjes , maar met vijf minuten gaat ‘ie weer aan”), which it did, and then did. I saw multiple black humanoid silhouettes standing by the door of my orangery. I asked him “do you work for them?” (in my native language Dutch: “werk je voor hen?”), and he said no. I, again asked “you do work for them don’t you?” (in my native language Dutch: “je werkt voor hen, hè?”), and he said yes. (Who knows how he has experienced the situation.) I told him to leave my house.
• Sitting in the front yard at my parent’s house – it was Saturday night so people were going out – I was listening to music with headphones on smoking a joint, I started to kind of space out where I saw the visual snow in my vision intensifying, accumulating into ‘light’ – in front of my eyes. Suddenly I heard someone, part of a group that was out and about, someone about my age – a youngster – bang on the fence behind me yelling at me “I don’t like that!” (in my native language Dutch: “ik vind dat niet leuk!”), as if talking about the hallucinating (I was sitting there quietly, so not doing much else). He was banging on the fence because I couldn’t hear him the first time, because of the headphones.
• One time, on Speed, when talking, I said, in a sentence, the word “birds” (in my native laguage Dutch: “vogels”) in my mind, and as soon as I said that word, the whole tree in my neighbor’s backyard, in which the birds where chirping busily, went dead quiet for a moment before resuming.
• One time, late at night, on Speed, I saw a little bird sitting in a bush, singing. I saw a hallucinatory dark smudge sweep toward it, in front of it, across the pavement (about half a meter in one second) – and exactly when it reached the bird, it flew off, as if startled by it.
• On LSD, I was contemplating how my ‘opps’ (opposition) are the ‘federalis’ (narcs) (don’t ask, lol) – and when I was making a drawing about it, a relatively well known Instagrammer(: @dakotawint) went live on Instagram with an account called ‘felaridi’. That’s when I took the following screenshot.
• I had been having this thing where I would select a random word in a webpage on my phone, and the words it would select would give me good ideas. One evening, the neighbors next door, two girls, were singing. I enjoyed it. My finger landed on my phone without me paying attention to it. It selected a word, and the word was ‘beautiful’. One time, it selected the words (in that order): ‘reality’ ‘a’ ‘gentle’ ‘force’ (as in ‘reality [is] a gentle force’).
• This one time, on speed, I had gotten the idea that an evil force would pull a trick to try to kill me, such as hit me with a car I imagined. That afternoon on the bicycle, I was riding home after having visited my parents. I wanted to turn around for some reason, then did, then decided I didn’t – and when I turned back around, at the last moment someone could warn me there was a car speeding towards me, going against the direction of traffic on an isolated – not near any road for cars – cycling path at relatively fast speed, which is highly unusual. Thankfully, the group of youngsters who were doing this had someone cycling ahead of the car – who warned me. A different time, when I leisurely thought something would kill me (for no good reason), someone outside coincidentally made a gun shooting gesture towards me when I was cycling by.
• One time, on Speed, I had been sitting in the same position with my lower back or spine in sort of a curve to the right really quite long (like six to eight hours straight). I kept feeling it, but for some reason I didn’t want to do anything about it. The day after, on YouTube, I got an advert which I had never gotten before or ever since, about back with a drawing of someone’s back and spine in the position I was sitting in. I hadn’t or have ever looked up anything about back pain, as I never have it. It couldn’t have been something my phone could have picked up, which I held in my hand and was on the entire time, because it has no way or sensors to pick this up (I don’t believe in those ‘Big Brother’ type of conspiracies to begin with).
• When I was younger, there used to be this house I used to cycle past in my town of which I thought: “that’s where I’d like to live”. It is a beautiful house in classic style. It has a beautiful orangery at the back, and I saw myself living there once I had made it. When it was time to get a place of my own, my mom had found a place where I could stay for one month and from there I could find a place of my own. Because, at the time, I was dealing with some social anxiety, I hadn’t started looking up until eight days before I would have to leave the house and be homeless. I made an account, made a photo for a profile picture, and started looking. The first response I got was of the owner of that very house (the house turned out to be all rooms that were rented out). I went there. It turned out to be the very room with the orangery. I was the first who visited, she asked me do if I wanted the room and that she would take it off the internet if I did, and that’s where I live up until this day.
• One time, on Speed, I had traveled to Berlin, Germany. Once I was there, it turned out I didn’t have the money to get back. So I tried to take more rural trains to try to get home. After a while, I had been caught riding the train without a ticket multiple times. Then, day five of my travel, in the middle of winter, at two o’clock at night, in a very rural place where you could see the fields from the station, I was kicked off the train. The conductor told me: “this is not a hotel!”. As soon as I stepped out of the train, I was freezing. There was a glass waiting booth with an open door. I tried to barricade the door with local election posters, but it wouldn’t really work. Then, out of the blue, there was someone hanging there with his friends, who asked: “do you need help?” I said: “yes”, and explained I had nowhere to sleep. They turned out to live nearby in a squatted house, and I could sleep there for the night. It turned out that from the very station I had been kicked off the train, there left a train to the Netherlands (where I live, and from where I would know how to get back home) which they put me on the next morning.
• I was watching a live stream of Twitch streamer Trainwreck (Trainswreckstv), who used to stream on Twitch. He gambles a lot, and with a lot of money. Sometimes he wins, usually he doesn’t. He mostly spins slots. He kept spinning at one slot (the one in the beginning of the video), and he wasn’t having much luck. Suddenly, out of the blue, he said: “ooh, I know what [which slot] I’m feeling. (…) It’s a gut feeling pick. Its in my gut”. He went to that slot, and within barely a few spins he got into a bonus that paid him something north of 600.000,- USD (bet size: 1.000,- USD per spin). This was on the live stream of 01-03-2022. You can watch the instance in the video below this paragraph. He usually makes predictions (which aren’t correct), but rarely like this: where he suddenly feels the urge to go to a specific slot while playing a different one and declares it like he did in this instance (he usually just says he thinks he is about to win, or which number to pick, etc.). Also, he says he actually felt something “deep down” (more so than usually in any case). And the slot paid out an amount that doesn’t happen that often, nearly right away. I understand that this was a coincidence, also because it isn’t the first time he says he thinks he’s about to hit big – but it suggests that the convincingly suggesting and creating the feeling around it, directs the manifestation to happen through coincidence, or directs the coincidence to happen. When that happens, one does experience the alignment that suggests ‘mind over matter’ or things in one’s inner(: one’s inner feeling or ‘inner harmonics’) being aligned with, so seeming to determine, the outer. (In the same way when – this happened to me – a plastic bottle cracks the moment the song that was playing in the background ended and goes to the next song: you could think the bottle changed the music and things which have nothing to do with one another are connected. Another example: I dropped my phone, which cracked my screen, the other day. About a week later, in the same place, I had left my bicycle unlocked and after a few hours it was still there. The moment I decided for myself that the cracked phone screen in exchange for my bike not having been stolen would have been a good deal, the church bell rang. Though it was a coincidence as the bell rings once per hour at that time of night, one might feel as though it, as it were, ‘confirmed’ the ‘deal’. It may seem my thought-process ‘formed itself’ around the sound of the bell to make it seem things which have nothing to do with one another were connected.)
• I sat outside by myself. I wanted to work on a text for myself, so it was a bit private and secretive. I knew nobody could read what I was typing on my phone, but still the natural instinct kicked in. I said to myself that the moment I would want to work on something secretive, somebody would approach me. I waited a few seconds. And as I started typing, a dog approached me.
• When in Italy, I was sleeping in a hostel with multiple people in one room in bunk beds. Beneath me was a woman from, I think, Poland (?). Late at night, I came back from smoking some joints, and, thinking about stuff, was kind of in a panicky awareness. As I was laying in bed, I heard her say: “hey… hey… hey…”. At first I doubted why she was saying this, “is she saying this for me..?”, and I figured this was the case. It was dark, she wasn’t on her phone. This calmed me down. When I was kind of calmed down, she stopped. When the panic began to rise again, she started saying “hey… hey… hey…” again, as if feeling my anxiety. After that I went straight to sleep.
• One time, I was cycling outside after the curfew that was instated when the covid virus first broke out (to get more Speed). At one point, I heard a thought-voice in my head that said: “cops!” (in my native language: “wouten!”). Then, when I was about to turn left on the next intersection – down that street, I saw a policeman standing there to catch any violators of the curfew.
• On LSD, I realized it would be more difficult to fall asleep. I said to myself, realizing that sleep wouldn’t kick in and I was stuck with my mind for a while and so I had to get my mind right to have some rest: “in the end, it’s all about frequency” (in my native language Dutch: “uiteindelijk draait het allemaal om frequentie”). I said it the spirit of how an old friend of mine, who provided much guidance in the spiritual realm at the time, would have said it. The moment I said that, my vision began to flicker slightly at increasing speed as I could feel the frequency of (the resonance of) my brain increase with the intensifying flickering, to where I could see an orb made of visual snow so strong it wasn’t see-through, with what would seem as a sort of Buddhist decoration/’inscription’ (like the Sanskrit ‘ॐ’/’ohm’-symbol) very crisp and clearly. After that, the frequency dropped again to normal level over the course of a few seconds. What stood out was that it happened just a bit too quickly, which actually hurt my brain (like hitting a mental brick wall). The very second this happened, I could hear my nextdoor neighbor say: “ouch!” (in my native language Dutch: “au!”).
• Another time, having used Speed and weed, I was outside, sitting on a bench at night. I was having a weightless feeling in my body. I could feel the feeling of someone’s aura coming from the left. I decided to go over there. It was on an old medieval gate, and the street light was broken, so I could barely see anything. I decided to let loose and hallucinate there for a bit. The visual snow in my vision accumulated very strongly, combined with a weigh-less feeling, to where I could see an orb made of the grain, or light-‘pixels’ of my vision, hanging in front of me in the air at a couple of meters distance. Then, I noticed someone standing near it, in the dark. And figured that it was his aura with which I was interacting in some way, resulting in me seeing that ‘orb’.
• Early in the morning in my room, on Speed and weed, I was contemplating how there was being worked towards these coincidences occurring. And a few minutes later, I heard a faint voice in my head that said: “it’s possible”, and that same second, a bug almost flew into my face and went away. It was the only bug I saw that night.
• I was on my way to this same friend (before the above story happened), when I stopped briefly at a grocery store. It was around 22:00 at night, and it had already gotten dark. Waiting in the parking lot, not really doing anything, I played with my hair briefly. When I had twisted it wrong or something, and it kinda hurt, barely a second later, a loud train horn went off in the distance – as if being caused by my ‘auric misconfiguration’. Likewise, when I had been tripping on LSD all night – when the morning had come and I briefly stepped outside into the yard for a breath of fresh air – the hallucinations briefly came back intensely. Right as that started happening, immediately a train horn went off in the distance, as if being caused by ‘interfering frequencies’ (though in a freak coincidence probably must’ve also had its own real-life reasons to do so) – or in some archetypal way, this ‘breaking through’ immediately had to be tried to be halted and grounded by earthly forces.
• I was sitting outside. I had bought some food. Suddenly I was having a little anxiety when someone was walking by. While he was walking by, I heard him say: “calm… calm…” (in my native language Dutch: rustig maar… rustig maar…”) to ‘himself’, or ‘the air’, softly. I could physically feel the feeling in my body being calmed down, the anxiety abruptly receding and being replaced with a soft feeling, with every of the two times he said: “calm…” (in my native language Dutch: “rustig maar…”). For me, it didn’t really matter what he said, but how it affected the feeling in my body was unusually significant, which felt strange.
• On Speed and weed, I was sitting at home with a couple of friends (Tess and François). Normally, I have my plate of Speed sitting by my side, but my friend and I had switched places from how we were normally sitting. While we were talking, I heard a ticking noise, as if someone had dropped a marble on the ground, which was then rolling, but a little softer in volume. Simultaneously, above the plate and the bed it was sitting on, I saw dark blackish little dots ‘sparkle’ – appearing and disappearing for a second or two. Simultaneously with that, while looking at the plate with Speed I had laying there, I saw the little tube you snort with move as if it had been tapped by someone (the plate it was sitting on hadn’t moved, as far as I could tell with the naked eye). The tube pivoted, making for a few centimeters of movement. The tube itself is 4,5 cm long. The tube stayed that way. Perhaps someone on the couch had nudged the bed to create the movement pivoting the tube, but it had been laying still there for quite a while and for it to happen at the moment I was hallucinating would be either rather coincidental, or there was a causal connection in the form of mutually felt energy/feeling (as influenced by me hallucinating), causing the person to want to make that movement (- or it could it have done it completely on its own, or had it reached a breaking point in the way it was positioned on the plate causing it to roll over exactly at that time)?
• I live in an old house. There was a time when we had mice (until I plugged all the holes they created with steel wool). Normally, they’d be very shy and do what they could to not be discovered (until one showed itself quite openly when I was on Speed and weed). I have noticed that when very high – the first time when having pulled through two nights, so on day three of being awake, and on Speed, and the second time on Speed and ketamine – they show themselves right after taking the first few hits from a joint (weed). The first time two gray mice caught my eye when they were staring at me rather intently from under the couch when I was sitting on the other side of the room with a friend (François), and once when I was sitting and hanging out there with a few friends (the same time as the story above this one). They could have easily not showed themselves. The second time two black mice were staring at me from under the couch at about a meter distance from me when I was enjoying the effects of the ketamine and sat very still because of those effects. I was sitting with my eyes closed and suddenly opened my eyes which fell right on them as they were staring at me, again intently, from under the couch. Again, they could have easily not showed themselves. Both times I was already enjoying a very light feeling in my body. More so than typically, kind of peak experiences. I feel this feeling in my body and the mice looking at me might be connected, as I have previously noticed the presence of others (and their energies/auras), for instance when friends visit or animals (like the story about the wounded dove) or pets are in the room, contribute to me having these very light feelings in my body (as my energy/aura interacts with theirs).
• One time, I was on Speed and sitting in the living room with my mom and brother. My mom was working on her laptop. I was having a very balanced feeling. All of the sudden, a mistake happened because of which disturbed the balanced feeling significantly. I heard a hallucinatory voice say: “mmm, tasty…!" (in my native language Dutch: “mmm, lekker…!”), so as to say it somehow fed on disturbing us. I managed to solve the problem by tracing back the path it had came in in my mind so as to ‘turn back time’, and it solved the ‘error’ (or problem). And when it did, my mom said “I’m glad it is gone” (in Dutch: “ik ben blij dat ‘ie weg is”). I hadn’t said nor wasn’t saying anything. This instance shows a mutually felt psychic aspect to a situation.
• This one time, I was on Speed – having skipped two nights of sleep – and took XTC. It had a negative effect. First, when attempting to step outside into my yard, suddenly everything started to shake. I sat down on my couch, had high anxiety and it really felt like this was damaging and deteriorated my brain. After two to three hours, I got up and wanted to go for a walk outside. When walking outside, I could barely keep my balance and keep my shoulders in a straight horizontal line. It felt a bit like my legs had become uneven, which was probably because my brain felt like it had been ‘eaten’ by the anxiety to the point the top of both halves weren’t even anymore (a bit lower on the left side). I started out by listening to some rap music. It sounded flat. When I said: “look, he doesn’t get this kind of music” (in my native language Dutch: “kijk, deze muziek snapt ‘ie niet”), suddenly, with a sharp transition (as if someone had changed the ‘filter’ like you can with a photo), the music sounded a lot better, way less flat, and way more vibrant. When walking outside in the park, even my vision hurt: probably a reflection from the damaging of my brain, as it felt like the ‘structural integrity’ of the feeling one has of the brain and head, had been damaged. It felt like my vision was missing edges and filling. I ‘asked the birds’ in my head if they could give my vision some edges and filling. Instantly, when I had asked, a dove came flying from a tree to my front left, near me, and off to a tree to the right – and as it passed over me, my vision changed a lot to suddenly felt much better: it had the edges and filling I was missing, and the hurt disappeared.
• One time, very high on Speed and weed, and in a bit op a panicky state, at a certain moment I said to myself: “yeah, now they’re [bad guys] taking me over” (in my native language Dutch: “ja, nu nemen ze me over”). Then, I heard the voice of a barking goose moving in my head which had, and spread, a very soft feeling.
• I was visiting the coffeeshop (weed dispensary), having pulled through a night on weed and Speed. I happened to be having very heavy breathing at that moment as I just came from outside, having biked there. Inside I was a little short on air, but I didn’t want to breathe a lot and snot all over the place, but I also didn’t want to be a mouth-breather. As I breathed a little bit through my nose, the pressure on my stomach got quite big. As it did with a surge of pressure, the guy behind the counter preparing my weed went “pff”, having to blow out some air as if also feeling pressure on his belly.
• I was with three friends (Gino, Yuro and Jerry) at my place. We had been doing Speed and XTC all night. The next day, my stomach wasn’t feeling so good. To do something about this, I decided to burp manually. And right after I burped, Gino had to burp as well – showing that our bodies are, or can be, connected.
• I was outside, on Speed. I had gotten very light feeling in my body a couple times. Later, I decided to go for a walk. Meanwhile, it had gotten dark. When I came back, climbing back up the hill I had been sitting on, still feeling light, suddenly, I was hit with this wall of heavier feeling. I stopped moving forward abruptly to prevent being submerged in it (for my own convenience). Even though the path went forward, I could go left into the bushes and climb right up to the spot I was sitting, to stay in the zone with light feeling. I thought to myself: “I can make that”, went for it, and as it turned out I was headed straight for a cat sitting in the spot where I sat that I saw only then.
• I had a fruit fly stuck behind a window at home. I contemplated that my breath and that of the little bug were connected, and so wondered what happened if I held my breath (so as to ‘filter the air’ from bad influences). At once, I held my breath, with a lot of pressure on my core. And while I did that for a second, the little bug literally fell out of the sky for the exact duration I held my breath like that, and then proceeded to fly again.
• I had thought about an ex-colleague from the job I used to work at a few years ago (a few times that day, not before or after that), and wondered how she was. A day later, when going to the grocery store, I ran into her.
• I was at home, on LSD, weed, and Speed. I heard a police car driving by with the sirens in the distance. I couldn’t help but feel like I had to define my attitude in relation to it in some way. I contemplated how, because they were driving there, I could be in my own home safely. As I had considered that, I softly said the word: “bless” – and then, the police car turned off its sirens.
• When I was on Speed at night, having skipped one night of sleep and busy skipping the next night of sleep. I was in my room in the house where I live. My breathing had gotten such that there was quite some tension on my body – I was breathing heavily. I went to the hallway besides my room, and while standing there I thought: “let me breathe normally for a change”. It was quite a stark contrast, going from this very heavy breathing with lots of pressure on my stomach, to, as it were, a light breeze or breath coming trough my nose. As soon as I did that, I started to hear all kinds of sounds, as if the wood on the wood-plated walls was crackling, come from the wall in one specific spot in the corner of the hallway. It was as if some kind of force field was activating, coming into existence as I had released the heavy pressure on my breathing – this somehow also alleviating pressure around me in the hallway that was previously ‘taking its place’, giving rise to it.
• I was sitting by the water near the shopping center by myself, on Speed and weed. I was contemplating how, really, we’re living in sort of an ‘electric resonator’, where the electricity has a role in creating all forms and we can send each other signals via our thoughts. Then, after sitting there a while, still contemplating, I felt a shot or impulse in my lower right back. And immediately following that, almost simultaneously, a emergency siren-like honk went off for about half of a second around the shopping center I could see across the water – that I had never heard before or since. It felt as though the shot though my lower back and the siren-like honk were connected, and my body somehow was one or aligned (or possibly even had intentionally been aligned) with the outside/external world in this way – because they occurred so near immediately at the same time.
• I was at home, on Speed. I was hallucinating a sort of ‘battle’, or ‘attunement’, between two colored translucent bubbles (one blue and the other one blue-greenish) that were trying to merge and become one, to strike balance. Behind the bubbles I was looking at my phone in my hand, an iPhone at the time, at the home screen (an overview of all the apps). At one point, right as the one bubble slid into the other to become one, ‘creating balance’ (in the hallucination among the hallucinatory forms) – which made all other hallucinations disappear – my finger had, without me paying attention to it at all, accidentally touched the screen so that all apps started to wiggle (as they do when you long press the screen, so you can move your apps about) – as it were ‘absorbing’ the discrepancy that was previously in the hallucination, ‘making’ them disappear. The wiggling of the apps happened following the bubbles merging (that same second). For me the wiggling apps came as a surprise because I hadn’t intended to touch the screen, or noticed doing so (though I must have, so the accidental timing is striking).
• A different time, at home, I was making a Keynote presentation on my phone. I was on Speed, and hallucinating. I was envisioning how I was communicating with the birds in my backyard, and how they were keeping the text I was copying into the presentation ‘blessed’ (or ‘good’, in any case). When changing something in the original text I was copying from, when making a new slide in my mind meant the ‘blessing’ that was in the old text had to be connected to the new text. As I selected the new slide, coming from the previous one, the old one remained selected as well (my fingers must have accidentally touched the screen exactly for that to happen, or the phone sensed it that way – because I neither intended nor noticed doing anything other than to select the new slide as you would with a single tap). As I pointed out to myself in the seconds after that, that that slide that remained selected was the last one with the old text, a glitch appeared where the top and bottom of the blue rectangle that indicates that you have something selected disappeared for this slide. Then, as I quickly copied the new text into the Keynote (into the slide I had wanted to select) the birds in my backyard kept chirping the same high note during the chirping they were doing, from the moment I copied until the moment I had changed the font of the newly copied text so as to match that in previous slides – in my mind uniformizing them.
• On LSD and Speed, something funny happened. While browsing YouTube, I had gotten a way different ad than I had ever gotten, and never saw again – from Belgium (I live in the Netherlands, so an ad from a different country than from where I live, which is more improbable – though in the same language, besides the dialect being different). I found it striking that after months of having gotten the same ads, now that I was on LSD (and was seeing meaning and deeper connection in the content I was watching: when watching a music video, I felt there were secret codes in there that comprised a process where I could connect, soul-wise, to the artist), I got an ad that was totally out of the ordinary and I wasn’t technically even supposed to get. It was about how to plaster a wall, but in my mind it was part of a practical joke by the universe – sort of jokingly describing how to restore the fabric of consciousness I philosophized you must ‘use up’, or ‘run through’, when you’re tripping hard (which I was). It described, in a, to me, hilarious Belgian accent, steps like ‘step three, apply the plaster evenly’. It felt like I was sitting face to face with ‘the universe’ (or what I dubbed it: ‘infinity’), which I felt like was bending the universe and YouTube to correspond to my inner space.
• I was at the train station, on Speed. It wasn’t too busy. Across the tracks, I saw someone look at their watch, look up – and I could see this person getting a bit upset within himself. Simultaneously, I saw a black dot, or spot, with some shadows around it, grow right next to me (about right above my arm) – accompanied by a faint voice that was doing some angry indiscriminate chatter.
• When I was younger, I had busted the window of an ex-girlfriend (who still lived with her parents at the time). I live in an old house, and the rock I had used came from this house. These are old-fashioned brown bricks, that you won’t find in a modern house. At one point, when I was standing in the doorway of the house where I live, holding a similar brick in my hand to use as a doorstop, I looked up and saw the mom of this ex-girlfriend walking by across the street – looking at me and the brick in my hand (she did not look happy – she already knew I must have done it before that). She did not know where I live, so this was an incredible coincidence: the one time I use a brick as a door stop and am standing in the doorway with it for a couple seconds, she comes walking by (I live in a town of 152.000 people, so chances of running into each other are not that big). Though, technically, all this seems to be a coincidence, I definitely feel this was the universe – or something – confronting me with the consequences of my actions.
• I was on LSD with my friend (Evert-Jan) at his house. In philosophical contemplation with myself, I kept trying to realize what it means to realize something. Meanwhile, we were both experiencing the hallucinatory effects a lot. So I was digging for the moment where you realize something. After a while, after a long silence – not having shared this – my friend said: “it’s before that” (in my native language Dutch:”het is daarvoor”), as if – or which I took as – meaning that the point of realization I was trying to capture kept happening before I could think anything about it. I came to the conclusion I must have been looking for the beginning point of realization. So this shows how our mental experiences can be connected to one another, and people experience the same mental energies/thought-process. He might have been talking about something else, but this pertaining to something in your inner is on a gliding scale of the inner arranging around the outer: which is one’s mind looking for connections by itself – or the outer being formed according to one’s inner: actual ‘coincidences’ occurring, where it seems the ‘coincidence’ was made to or guided to occur.
• I was at home, on Speed, editing a picture on my phone. When you select (part of) a picture, it shows you the area you have selected with a line alternating between black and white. I had selected part of a picture, and wanted to get that selection precisely in de middle. Normally, it automatically snaps the selection to the center when you drag the selection over it. Problem was that because my selection came so close to the edges, it kept snapping my selection to those edges (which it does too), and in other location than snapping to the center. I was editing this picture on my phone, so had to get it right by hand, instead of being able to use a keyboard to direct the selection more precisely. So I had my thumb, pressing on the screen and trying to move that selection to exactly where it would snap to the center. This was very sensitive, so the slightest movement could cause it to snap to something different. Normally I would persist vigurously and maybe get agitated, but I was sitting with the doors open, the sun was shining and the mood was good, and decided that would be a waste. I said: “it’s alright” (in my native language Dutch: “het is goed zo”), and that second the selection solidly snapped to the center and stayed there for as long as I had my thumb there (and after), which took about two to three seconds.
• At times – on LSD, you get the sensation that what you do seemingly creates what happens in the outside world, or exactly these relevant things happen to happen when they do at that meaningful time. For example, when you come to a resolve, a bird flies by in your sight or starts singing. When you make an error a car honks its horn or your neighbor makes a noise. When you come to a moment of deeply enjoying the moment your neighbor starts playing music. In that sense creating the sensation where it feels like you’re sitting behind a control panel with the controls for the reality around you on it, or are interfacing with some sort of mainframe, and/or that reality answers back to you when you pose it something. (All examples in this paragraph have happened to me.) This also creates the sensation that things are energetically/aurically connected: your energy influences what you can perceive around you, up until shooting stars happening at meaningful times or certain big honks in the distance going off on Speed.
• These ‘psychic’ phenomena happen when you get into a state, after you smoke weed for example, that sometimes occurs, where you begin to hallucinate: where you see light (dots of light, a realistic looking sort of ‘cloud’ of light, as well as light that comes about from accumulating/intensifying visual snow) and where perspective seems warped, where things seem a flat surface with a sort of light ‘grain’-like pattern flowing through it or light around it (this can go accompanied with a light feeling in your limbs and your gaze or that with which you point your energy), where you visually start seeing things in the context of your own mind – or where, in different cases, you may see dark spots placed in the environment (so they’re 3d ‘objects’ as it were, not stains on your vision), moving about, for a quick second to few seconds (sometimes dark shadows moving across surfaces or in the air, and very rarely humanoid silhouettes) – where your vision moves, making things seem to move that are standing still, and other hallucinations (the movement of the auric layer, or field). This can go accompanied with a very good, light and smooth feeling.
There also are these mental games and frameworks that determine how the energy flows/is configured, or how you point/direct your energy, and that are connected to the body in the sense that it makes you move or twitch a certain way when the energy in your body shifts: move your foot up and down or in a certain rhythm or at all, makes the body twitch slightly as it does sometimes when sitting still, consistent with when one ‘patch’ of energy ends and a different one begins. You could also, when you’re about to feel energy you don’t want to feel, make a small movement with, for instance, your hand (or anything) – and this will be what the feeling you were about to feel will have then turned into making it so you don’t feel it. I once did this to my own energy in this state, in my foot, and it literally felt like I had cut a piece off of my energetic body and it kind of hurt a little bit: reasoning determining the aura or energy around you. Or in the place of the moment of impact of energy, you ‘place’ the feeling of your finger touching something, thus making the energy lighter. Or you could as it were ‘impose’ your energy by pushing your foot or big toe down, pressing your hand forward against something or even lightly touching something with your finger, to allow your energy to be manifested more by giving it more ‘room’ or create a pressure wave in your body.
It is also things happening to your energy/aura which make you hallucinate. It happens automatically and is influenced by whether there are others around you, which tends to make you hallucinate as well. They can also occur around objects, and after you smoke (tobacco).
In this state, energies you feel tend to be intense. And you tend to get gaslighted into relating or having a certain attitude towards people and saying things you didn’t mean to say (when you’re not feeling great or can’t find your cool). Also, your brain starts coming up with ways to align the outer: music, something that happens around you or on TV, what people say, and your inner body/aura/hallucinations. These are unintended, and in extreme cases it can be as though something working through reality is addressing you. Also: with the story where I had a hallucination of light grain dissipating from the center of my vision, the story where loud horns went off the moment I felt a shot in my lower back, where in a mental game something happened that resembled something that happened on TV a few seconds later, and many others on this site, as good examples – things can get connected in seemingly impossible ways, that seem to be too big of a coincidence to be that. And so things seem to orient around the inner and the inner around other things: inner and outer begin to act as one (so anomalies may seem to speak/work through reality). Mostly, this is unintended by people and make-believe. On this website I mention the time there actually was alignment and/or connection. And then there are the auric connections: when you’re both in that state, as we can see in the story where I thought my friend wore something that made it look like she came out of a concentration camp (metaphorically), what can happen is that your energies begin to subconsciously influence one another, and at times – like where me saying something mean was gaslighted out of me (the saying of it happened by itself) – this changed the mood in the air to where someone else can feel ‘what you’re saying’, or what mental process you’ve gone with.
A peculiar thing about the black spots: one time, having used Speed, I couldn’t calm down. I noticed these clear dark black shadows sitting on the floor next to me. For about a half hour I tried to stop the thoughts from going through my mind like a train. At last, I decided to drag my foot across these black shadows (I knew this would work from the beginning, but I wanted to test what would happen if I did it without that). I did, and all of a sudden I felt all the energies pulling on me in my stomach disappear at once, while replacing it with a soft calm warm energy/feeling. It was a change happening to my energy in my stomach. An example of this extra ‘dimension’ influencing reality.
• When in the psychosis clinic, sometimes I’d have anxiety around people for no reason. This one time, I was talking to someone and everything was fine, especially once we’d gotten acquainted. Then someone else joined. I felt the anxiety come up as I was talking to him, and at that moment the one guy threw a book towards him and said: “here, catch” (in my native language dutch: “hier, vangen”). A different night, while I was watching a Batman movie on TV, he started to make a loud noise, like bang a drawer shut, hit a cupboard with his flat hand or make a noise with the foosball table. At one point, one of the counselors, who was sitting there, who didn’t seem to notice the supposed (by me) cause, said: “you’re a little restless” (in my native language Dutch: “wat ben je toch onrustig”), and he said: “yeah, but there is a reason for that” (in my native language Dutch: “ja, maar daar is ook een reden voor”). Later that night, he asked me how much longer the movie would take (in my native language Dutch: “hoe lang duurt die film nog?”), I replied something like a half hour, and said he could watch TV if he wanted, but he said: “no, now I’d want you to finish the movie” (in my native language Dutch: “nee, nou kijk je hem ook af”). And he stayed until I had finished the movie. I said: “thanks”, and he said: “no, you don’t have to thank me for that” (in my native language Dutch: “nee joh, daar hoef je me niet voor te bedanken”) – as if also knowing what I was talking about.
• I was hanging out with two friends (Yuro – which is his nickname because it sounds like the English pronunciation of the word ‘euro’, and Jerry) on 12-08-2022, on five LSD tabs, ketamine and Speed. We decided to talk a walk at night (the beginning of said day). I decided to walk by the meadows, they sat down at a bench across the street. It was around 05:30. I walked around, and after a while – the full Moon had disappeared behind the hospital in the distance and Sun had been coming up for a while in that the cloudless sky started to become orange – I decided to stand by the bench, but didn’t sit down as perhaps I would still want to walk around further. At about 06:05 I finally decided to sit down, and about ten to thirty seconds later, the street lights went off on the road on the left. The picture at the bottom shows what our location was.
• One time (spring 2021), someone (Youri) had hit me on the nose (long story short: I wanted to buy some Speed, his wife gave it to me, suddenly I felt nauseous and cycled off without having paid, forgetting I had his stuff. He arrived at that time, and yelled “hey!”. I thought to myself, hearing that voice: “I should keep cycling”. I went back, he asked me about still having the stuff while I hadn’t paid, and when I surprisedly took it out of my pocket he hit me). (I was on Speed, so it didn’t hurt.) When I went home, or better yet, when I was about to arrive at home – my nose still bleeding (I didn’t want to touch it) – exactly that day at that hour (about 15:00), the community police officer was waiting at my doorstep to see if I was homer(there had been some unrest in the two to three weeks before and they wanted to see if I was involved), which happens next to never (this is the only time a police officer was waiting at my doorstep in my life, I have been visited by police twice in my life of which this was one time, and two times in my life the police have been called on me because I was using Speed in the backyard, so that’s four visits in total, – just to show how rare visits by the police are to me). I decided I wanted to avoid her, and went for a walk around the neighborhood. When I came back about a half hour later, I ran into her walking into my street. While this was inconvenient to me because my nose was still bleeding (I told her I fell of my bike), I did interpret it as kind of a sign that the universe wanted to see or make sure I was safe. A funny detail is that, when later that afternoon I looked in the mirror and saw the drop of blood my nose, it looked so beautiful (while my trip that afternoon hadn’t been so good and quite chaotic feeling – I had even smelled a putrid/disgusting smell the moment I saw a little kid smell his finger at the moment I looked at him as if our breaths were connected) that is calmed me down. Because of that, I somehow convinced myself that this is why it may have been meant to be – in that, I saw that things must have happened the way they were supposed to. And when I did, I quickly, in a split second, noticed a transparent black spot being replaced with a white light spot that quickly disappeared. And I felt in that same split second how the person who had hit me had been mentally defending himself because he must have felt he was right to have hit me – subconsciously defending himself of any of my negative psychic interrelation on my part – which was instantly replaced, by my being at peace with the situation and radiating “it’s okay”, with his subconscious, as it were, through a psychic lens seeing this and immediately letting up all the defenses and responding in, as it were, saying “okay” and being at peace with me again, knowing it didn’t have to defend itself from me (which it didn’t). Later, we made up and are good acquaintances to this day.
• When we were children, my childhood friend Maarten had a Game Boy Advance SP. At some point it broke down, and after talking about it – after a couple of days, the family decided they would send it in for repairs. The next morning, before they would send it via the mail, his mom (Anja) told us that we should try and wish for it to work again. We did, we turned the Game Boy on with all our hopes up, and sure enough: it worked again! There is nothing she (or his dad Koop) could have done to make it work again, and we hadn’t either. I later reminded Anja of this story, but when I did, she didn’t really say anything – she had forgotten about the story altogether!
• Frequently, sober (even in the psychosis clinic, where there are no drugs) – but especially on LSD, Speed and often triggered by the combination with weed (but also on weed alone), or smoking in general – it happens that the visual snow starts intensifying, and forms – sort of – this light grain/noise (like you could see looking into the dark). What happens is that when something moves, say, the curtains in the wind – you can feel a presence in that. As if someone were standing there. Once, I – through the visual snow – saw the moving part have an overlay of and move simultaneously with a hand holding a computer mouse. In this case, in the same way, I vaguely saw an arm or a leg at the part of the curtain that was moving in the wind, moving simultaneously with it – as if it was the one moving the curtain! I tried to talk to it. I could also feel the presence in my actual feeling, changing as I had said something to it (in a way I couldn’t have produced myself: suddenly I felt something ‘sitting’, or ‘pulling’, on my energy). It was obvious to me there was something there. Then, I saw it come towards my head (and quickly saw a hand in there) and it gave a sort of electric shock to, as it were, my mental eye, or the end of my ‘mental tentacle’, located at the point between both eyes, or the center of your vision (I suppose this is what’s called ‘the third eye’): the organ with which you see mental shapes – resulting in me seeing the outline of a blue square for a fraction of a second simultaneously with the shock. I saw how this energetic center produced the light grain I was seeing, and I could feel the ‘electric’ shock strengthen and consolidate/reinforce my whole mental organ/infrastructure (coming from the hallucinatory image I saw with it, so as it were a specific ‘frequency’ you have to focus on, so also strengthening that image or ‘frequency’) we don’t regularly use in daily life on top of the image we normally see (our regular vision). A couple minutes later, I felt it sending a shock through me to that which you look at with the eyes, which you also feel a little bit – so the shock ending up there where you feel it with and in my eyes, producing a changing light, changing every fraction of a second in kind/appearance: bright hallucinatory blue light as well as the light you see when you rub your eyes too hard. I saw it, as it were, move the light away from me to my right – almost as if it was collecting a sample of sorts. The place in the picture below is what I was looking at when both things actually happened. It’s worth mentioning my neighbor (from a different apartment in our house) had a friend over, so a theory could be our auras interacted. But that doesn’t explain how it acted on its own volition like that.
• I was alone in my room, on LSD, Speed and weed, and had decided to just listen. I ended up communicating with my hallucinations, and what seemed to be my neighbor’s and the animals’s collective subconsciouses. At one point during the night, suddenly, a heavy energy filled the room. I felt a very heavy energy in/through my body. Then, a sound came from the metal door hangar that was hanging on the handle of my little cupboard that was directly to my left, while I was sitting on the couch (which can be seen in the picture) – or the sliding handle below. I wasn’t even close to touching it! Because both are metal on wood, this sound was loud and distinct.
• What happens too during these hallucinations is, you start seeing intensified visual snow (like you see when you walk into a room that’s completely dark) fill your vision. Naturally, your eyes may start to twitch. When you manage to keep your vision stationary through the twitching, or resist the twitching altogether as much as possible, this could cause the hallucination to go on. When you start hallucinating harder, you may find what seems to be the space within which things are start to move slowly, also moving whatever is behind it you’re looking at in place. Upon closer examination, you will find that this is your own aura, or field, that moves – within which reality is ‘projected’ like a screen, as it were, or holds the reality as you see it (though the reality still seems to be behind it). Also, you may start seeing colors: purple, blue spots – and the grain may turn blue-white-ish, brown-greenish and may have black or dark grayish throughout it in a sort of flowery pattern overlay. After a while, you may find that the hallucination tries to perform a movement, which becomes apparent through the dark-grayish parts of the hallucination, which resembles kicking a hallucinatory ball. This – sort of – would be the equivalent of reacting to an impulse, or the hallucination causing an impulse in you or addressing you. Allowing this movement, could cause it to worsen overtime – and, on, for instance, LSD, may lead to hallucinations of things, like a knife-like object, flying towards you, or a tram driving towards you like it’s about to hit you. These could keep occurring involuntarily during your LSD trip. You may be able to ‘turn back time’, by pushing/pulling it back towards its original position with your mind, manually directing the ‘ball’ (in this example) to its former place, and prevent further of such movements by holding it there. Something that also happened on LSD was that I would hallucinate either elements from my favorite computer operating systems (early 2000s OS X for both functionality and looks, and Windows Vista for the looks), and, after a while, weird off-brand ones – and I had to say which one was the right one as a validating token of my sincerity. Along with that I would also see myself there, sitting on my bike, in my favorite clothes – my ‘Christmas outfit’.
During these hallucinations, I would envision a healthy hallucination being a hallucination with pure white-blueish grain - and the ones of greenish color leading to ‘lower quality’ (often having less ‘structural integrity’ which becomes apparent after a while, causing them to hurt the brain more easily) hallucinations. Also you may find hallucinatory forms within this visual snow may start to spin. After a while, you will find that each of these ‘moving’ hallucinations are auras/psyche's/psychic forces interacting with you. These may be subconsciouses of people or animals (perhaps for them it’s more conscious?) around you, but also could be random anomalies. Also, you may find that when you talk to them by talking in your mind (thoughts), you may suddenly get ideas – them ‘communicating back’ to you. The most cool hallucination, in my opinion, is when you start to see this visual snow (like you see when you walk into a dark room or rub your eyes too hard) in your vision – sort of – intensify, and (this is very hard to explain) you start to suddenly enter a more ethereal awareness and you start to see things more in the context of your mind. This is when the mind-eye gets activated, as I find out about the story where I saw the blue square (the story above the story above this one). These hallucinations and anomalies or ‘entities’ are also connected to your feeling and can change what is felt: it can go accompanied with a very balanced or light feeling, or cause a heavy presence – like happened in the story above this one where a very heavy feeling suddenly entering the room actually caused a sound coming from my little cupboard. It can also give you ideas. What’s sure, is: this auric field has special powers. I have a church tower right by my house, which makes a noise every fifteen minutes. It always kind of disturbs me. That same night, a bit later, a second or two before that noise happened, I heard a thought say something along the lines of: “here it comes” (in my native language Dutch: “daar komt ‘ie”). Before I could ask what would come, the church bells made their noise.
• I was outside at about 02:00 at night, on Speed, LSD and weed. I was hallucinating well. Things were moving a bit, etc.. When I was walking in the park by the road, I started hallucinating the visual snow a lot. When I went further, I noticed a cat staring at me with his eyes shining light. Then, when I walked on, I looked and began to massively see visual snow again, at which moment the cat came meowing towards me and hugged my leg with his tail for a good half a minute, and went on to stay hanging out by me for about five minutes before moving away and me walking on shortly after. Also, I got the idea for my art to show what life looks like outside of the ‘problem frequency’. It was that night I made artwork 133. through 135. on Infinity Essentials Art.
• I was at a friend’s (Gino). He lives in a house where there live multiple people. I was on Speed. When I ran into another friend (Dawid) there, we were laughing and joking. After a bit, he went to work. When he came back from work, the mood had changed by then and and I was a bit more distant. Suddenly, I began to see the visual snow intensify, and I saw a translucent orb. Then, like when you go to the next slide in something like PowerPoint or Keynote, I saw a different translucent filling of the orb which looked slightly different, with a little bit different perception of colors and such, slowly slide in from the right. And at the moment it was in place, we, starting with him, began joking again like we had earlier. All of a sudden, the whole mood had returned.
• The following story is a little different, because it doesn’t actually involve anything regarding physical (or ‘commonly observed’) matter, but I still wanted to share it because it might show how the auric field and one’s ‘inner space’ or ‘inner-verse'(: the space within which ‘you’ are, looking at the screen which comprises your vision, hearing whatever you hear, including thoughts and such, and are feeling your body, etc.) are interrelated. I was at home, on Speed. I had begun seeing these black blobs and stains, and had gotten some anxiety. My friend (François) came over, who warned me of voices in the head. By the time he left, the black blobs were completely gone, and the anxiety had vanished. But then came the thought: “what if the anxiety thoughts come back?” The moment I had that thought, I saw a black smudge appear in the distance. In the blink of an eye, I saw it quickly move (in a kind of ‘jumping’ motion) to the left of my head in the corner of my eye, entering my left ear. It then appeared in my inner space from the left, and ‘shot’ into the center of my vision, which I then saw is like a screen because I saw the same kind of ripples come off of it you see when you throw a stone into the water (seen from the top), which lasted about a second and were very clear. The moment that had happened, I began to hear a continuous indiscriminate fake English chatter in my head (from a thought-voice). I decided I needed to go to sleep as soon as possible. Distracting myself while I was going to sleep, I could somehow ‘move’ the ‘location’ or ‘center’ from which the chatter was coming in my mind, to outside the bounds of my mind so I wouldn’t hear it anymore – feeling that if I would be anxious and think about it, it would most likely be right there again. I stayed very calm and went to sleep, and luckily, the next morning, everything was fine. This true story reveals that energy in/around (or felt by) the body is or can be connected to hallucinations, that hallucinations can be connected to the mind, and that this energy has a psychic dimension that is connected to/can influence the mind.
• I was outside, on Speed. I, usually, got chased by dark smudges and dots that would come with anxiety thoughts. For some reason, I had begun to believe that in the grapes I had just bought, was a negative spirit. I began talking to it. When standing at the traffic light while walking, I tried to diss the spirit. Two seconds after I had done so, a girl, who was halfway crossing the street suddenly said in a slight panic, as if suddenly being wrongfully adressed by something: “yeah, helloo!” (in my native language Dutch: “ja hallo!”). There wasn’t walking anyone near her, it didn’t look like she was on the phone, and the way she said it didn’t sound like it was part of a conversation. She hadn’t heard me either, as I was mumbling to myself while next to traffic and she was halfway on the other side of the road. However it had happened, it is still is special for something that has to do with you as a person and the outer world to be aligned this much in this way. I dumped the grapes in a nearby park. On a side note, I had begun to associate a certain specific smell with angry plants (believe it or not, haha). When i went back to the spot I dumped the grapes the next day, this specific smell was very prevalent.
• I was at home, on Speed. In the house where I live, we have rooms which are not super well isolated in therms of sound. So when my neighbor makes a banging noise or something similar, I hear it. Normally, when I’m sitting on the other end of the room, this already disturbs me as the sound can be rather obnoxious. One time, I was sitting next to the wall, with my right facing the wall I share with my neighbor. I was listening to loud music with ear plugs. It had been sitting there, listening for more than an hour, and it had a real meditative effect on me. Despite the loud music, I could still faintly hear that my neighbor, who had just come home from work, was creating a loud banging noise trying to put a plug in the wall. But the moment it happened, the tension or ‘force field’ around the right side of my face changed to where it actually slightly felt as if there was something like dust sitting on the right side of my face – as if the aura I had accumulated was being disrupted by the loud bang.
• I was chilling with friends (Yuro, Gino and Jerry) on ketamine. Suddenly, I had a very dry back of the throat and was very thirsty, but was not really in the mood to get up and drink water. Eventually, I drank water. Then, it happened again. This time, I did not get up. Eventually, Gino went ahead and drank some water (I have a faucet in my room, so I could see him drink as he did), and as he drank, I could actually feel my own body starting to feel replenished and it quenched my thirst with every gulp he took! When he was done (which took a couple seconds) I was no longer thirsty at all.
• It happened to me twice, on separate occasions, that the moment I took a snort of Speed, a brown smudge – over the course of two seconds, going from the bottom of the smudge to the top – as if were ‘burned’ into my little cupboard (which can be seen in the picture a couple stories above this one) and the plate I snorted the Speed off of, without me touching it. It resembled the burn I felt in my nose, in terms of their shape, in my mind. It was not there previously – I saw it come about with my own eyes. It wasn’t a hallucination either, I had to clean it off by scraping it off.
• I was sitting in the backyard at night, looking at the stars, and on Speed. At one point I began focusing on one star. Sometimes stars appear to move in place, and I wanted to move it further and further. I kept at it, and it moved up and down a couple times. After a while, I was so focused on the star, and for so long, everything around it became a bit blurry, as can happen. The only thing that was clear was the bright star. After about forty-five minutes, I decided to defocus. I did this slowly. To my surprise, as the star slowly moved to where it actually was as I slowly defocused, the star I had been looking at, disappeared below the horizon! And not by a slim amount that could be manipulated by where you stand either – no, by a good amount! The star remained lifelike and clear the entire continuity of time. What is noteworthy, is that while I was staring at the star – even when my vision was still rather clear – through hallucination the star appeared to be moving up in place (not in relation to other objects, but ‘in itself’) slowly, and then a bit faster, only to stop then – and down, numerous times. This is noteworthy because this story has interesting philosophical implications regarding object permanence. Perhaps, wherever living beings can perceive – and places with a causal connection to those places – objects will stay on their path and do as they do. However, there is no way we can prove that things are actually there where/when we don’t look so as to say that these do not exist independently of the observation of them: for example, it could be that the thing ‘get generated’ only as we look, in the form of our experience them. So: that things become distinguished based on how you look at them. Only to be underlain by an energy field which governs, and can manipulate, their inertia – that is also connected to us/our energy. This true story would suggest something like this would be the case. This is something quantum theory would support, namely the fact that observation seems to collapse the probability function(: the double-slit experiment). Although, in quantum theory, the act of observation seems to influence the experiment (in the double-slit experiment), this observation could also be an automated computer(: this would be something becoming determined or ‘distinguished’ through a causal connection). However, this also points to the possibility that the way a wave function collapses (which of the probabilities become the actual reality) is influenced by – and so really only comes into existence – when someone observes it.
• When I was brought into the psychosis clinic, being on four tabs of LSD and having the time of my life for as much I had anything to say about it. I was still in a good mood, as I expected to be out that day (which turned out to become three months later). What’s interesting was: the moment I stepped through the entrance of the ward – not the entrance of the building, but the entrance where they lock the door behind you and you cannot leave, my entire vision changed, from what I can only describe as a picture resembling a widescreen TV with plenty of color, to a 4:3 picture that was almost black and white over the course of one to three seconds. To me, this signified the relation to the shift in spiritual interrelation between the two spaces.
• On Speed, having just smoked a little bit of weed, I was selecting pictures to upload to a website where I keep a journal. I was uploading pictures I had downloaded, which I imagined would turn out to be great ones to use if or when I would want to make an artwork in the future (could be in a few hours, could be in a few weeks – I ended up using them to make artwork 187. on Infinity Essentials Art, one and a half days later). While selecting, I heard a bird whistle, imagined how fun it would be if that bird read my energy, could distill my thoughts in detail, and reacted whistling every time it wanted a picture selected – and proclaimed in my mind that I would select the picture my finger would be hovering over every time I’d hear the bird made the short whistle I heard it make, from then on. The bird did that whistle a couple times (every six seconds), and I selected a picture every time it did. Then, it stopped, and remained silent (about twenty to thirty seconds), while I was hovering my finger over several photos and (pretend) ‘realized’ it must mean all the photos it wanted selected were selected. I took my finger to the ‘done’-button, and the second I had it hovering over it, the bird made its short whistle again as if to indicate that was what it wanted me to select. An example of how things in the outer, including animals in this case, may begin to pertain to the person. Something on the ‘border’ of reality, that ‘lives through’ coincidence – the same way you might feel a ‘higher power’/positive anomaly live/work through the game while gambling when you win many times in a row (or a negative anomaly when you lose a lot), which feeling is what makes it so addicting. I imagine because it teaches the subconscious something, or adds the right information to one’s subconscious archive for it to learn about that, if you will (even if one doesn’t realize).
Feelings that what others say pertains to you, like the previously mentioned coincidence, are ‘interdimensional’ interrelations that live through coincidence, that are of the imagination, that the physical manages to run parallel with, and which make use of an auric field – or are a consequence of an auric connections we have, that are connected to the mental (in mental visualizations wherein the flow of energy is determined) and the body, that one can interpret freely in the interpretations that are generated for the person – as long as it doesn’t contradict the outer reality, and that can actually have real energetic and ‘real world’ (physical) effect (or affect the outer) in the space around you and elsewhere. The connections are connected things around you, and whatever may be in your scope, to the hearing, visual, the breath one breathes, and one’s imagination (in the sense of that one’s interpretation can be generated freely, can imagine anything – and through being connected to said things can become a reality – both energetically, through energetic connections it exposes, and through coincidence which happens on its own volition in the reality, making it an ‘interdimensional’ interrelation) for example. In cases these interrelations can become evil deceptive fabrications as a sort of twitchy side effect in the process of the brain of building up to the state of being psychically activated to where that which is responsible for generating one’s perception of and energetic interrelation with the outer world produces these mental/energetic constructs that determine how the energy flows, that influence this. The medium one’s psyche ‘partakes in’ is sort of a mental electric (electromagnetic?) connection of your body (the feeling you feel in your body) to the visual, to auras and the space around you, to energetic positionings one may take. Or, as it were, hallucinations to configurations of the flow of energy resulting in the feeling one is energetically connected to through the feeling in the body. To coincidences, to auras around one in objects. The mind starts to speculate connections which comprise of all those elements, and can – again – begin to influence the world around you.
Also: coincidence often happens in clusters and spikes. It can make it seem the consistencies that live through it, consisting of these auric connections, gain or have their own volition (the way the wind blowing onto and moving your curtain can make it seem there is an auric anomaly there that controls the pressure in the air to control the flow of the wind, so as to ‘move through the curtain’ or make the movements in the curtains seem consistent with, so express, the movements of it: the movement it does on its own, following its own inertia – as described previously elsewhere), and expose or propose possible configuration of the auras and everything around it, and of hallucination, for you to participate in or follow and reinforce in doing so. When the brain becomes ‘psychically activated’ or ‘psycho-activated’, these as it were mind relations come about.
One also may become, as it were, ‘hyper intelligent’ (metaphorically speaking). One example could be that one may even come up with words one didn’t know one knew (or didn’t know, so may have come up with through prediction?), while postulating a sentence. One may get intuitive insights, or get ideas of what write without having given it much or (almost) any thought.
One of these connections could also be: your body, such as your finger or toes/foot slightly twitching consistent and simultaneously with the music you’re listening to at that moment (even if you’ve never heard it before). These twitches are connected to the energy or ‘electricity’ or tension in your body. This could become connected to hallucinations, as those are interactions happening to the aura. The energetic body partakes in mental frameworks, in which it, through holding the energy a certain way or twitching at times, it responds to/influences how the energy flows/gets manifested/feels. The tension that is created in the music, through build-up, or through the tension that is created in a sound, can begin to correspond to things you do, such as: you’re writing a text trying to explain something, precisely when you’re done the build-up reaches a plateau, but then you find something you want to change, and while you do that the music, which almost reached the climax, goes back from the climax a bit – and does reach the climax when you’re done. Another example: the music builds tension in a sound, which sounds like it will subside soon, so could be done when you finish your sentence or something. But then, as you find you won’t be done with the sentence in time for when the sound sounds like it will subside – instead, the sound is made to increase tension, and for instance start clipping, or ‘glitching’, way into the next segment – as if this process you were in and the energetic state it produced in you was connected to the feeling of the DJ which inspired him to mix the sound like that through the non-linear ethereal realm. Also, in this way, the way you twirl your hair ‘creating’ an effect in the music the moment following you doing so. Not just through coincidence, but also the fact that when you listen to music, the building tension in the music might cause you to twirl your hair at that moment. But, in more extreme cases – as a result of seeming coincidence: the moment you move/start doing something a glitch may occur in the music of the recording of a radio show you’re listening to, as if your energetic body and it have become ‘entangled’ with one another, or are in contact with so respond to one another to – an extend, or as if their ‘spirit’ is present in your surroundings through, sort of, psychically directed pressure differences.
Other connections include connections to things like one’s expression, as in like the motoric system to the energetic balance or distribution one partakes in with this feeling in the body, in the ‘air’ – that can have real world effect (energetically and through coincidence as described, making it an interdimensional interrelation as the coincidence through which connection lives happens on its own volition, in the context of its own set of interrelations) – that is your energetic relationship with what’s around you. It is an interrelation happening to the aura, that is connected to the mental body (through a mental/energetic construct), which is near the eyes: where the energy you’re tapped into with the feeling in your body is no longer primarily of the body and becomes one with what you see in front of you (the way you can have a certain feeling in your body when you look at an object) whether it be real or hallucinatory. The hallucinatory can get real world impact to where others or animals (seem to) respond to it (but act the same as what responding would be regardless, so: coincidence.)
Because anything can be generated, my advice would be that in one’s decision-making of whether or not they choose to go along with it they inspect whether it would be meaningful or not.
An example of literal coincidences that can be caused: I was chilling with my friend (François), and was on Speed and weed. François was telling me about his work at school. I wasn’t really listening – instead what I heard was him saying something that pertained to my inner discussion of the subject of these mental visualizations and constructs determining how the energy flows: I knew that wasn’t what he meant, but I regarded it as an additional layer that, through running parallel with the reality, had emerged from the reality and I could choose to partake in. In my inner discussion of the subject in my mind, I used the word ‘visualization’ (in a sentence). Simultaneously with me saying ‘visualization’ in my mind – while François was talking to me – he said the word ‘visualisatie’ (the Dutch word for ‘visualization’) to me. This also exposes the potential for an auric connection: because my energy projected its energy, while thinking of the word ‘visualization’, onto François, that feeling could have sparked the same word in his mind. However, he was using the word in a sentence that he compiled before I said, or may even have known I was going to say, ‘visualization’ in my mind.
These connections can also become truly ‘impossible’ connection, to where the energy you feel in your body resembles something that happens on a few seconds later – in a way where it would seem to be to big of a coincidence for it to be just that, too little of a chance – like I described in my story with the dove visiting my other friend’s (Evert-Jan).
Other seeming connections that may occur are with animals. While I was high on Speed, I got the feeling I was talking with the animals around me through thoughts. While ‘talking to the birds’, I ‘addressed’ them saying, jokingly: “raise your right wing if you heard that [what I just said]” (in my native language Dutch: “steek je rechtervleugel op als je dat hoorde”). Then, immediately following that, a dove flew right by right in front of my windows and doors to the backyard, as if to respond to what I said by showing his presence. Another example of this seeming connection: I was looking at one of my old websites – a sort of journal – and explaining it in my mind to my friend (Gino) who had fallen asleep doing something else. On the website, an old website I had made about being able to talk to animals (among other things) called ‘Ivo Bär & Birds, Cats, Dogs, other Animals‘ was mentioned (this is an old website of mine, where I discuss what I experienced while psychically activated, as I experienced it at the time). When I remarked this to my friend in my mind, and went on to give a reason why it was a good website, a bird outside made a single noise, as if to agree while saying ‘hi’. This was around 06:05 in the morning on 23-09-2022. It was the first bird noise after a quiet night, and after that it remained quiet as well.
Yet other coincidences that may occur, are with technology. While on Speed, when I begin hallucinating, sometimes I begin seeing these dark spots around me (among other things). When this was new to me, I imagined it must be evil spirits, bad energy, or something similar. I made a website about it. When trying to promote my website in the YouTube comments, I wrote the comment you can see in the image (which are the original screenshots from when it happened) below. I used certain emoji’s to indicate the birds (their good spirits) ‘attacking’ one of these dark spots. When trying to post the comment, I got a rare and unexpected error saying it couldn’t post the comment (for which there wasn’t any good reason for as far as the comment goes: later I tried posting it again, and then it would post it) – as if being sabotaged by one of these bad ‘spirits’ I imagined to be embodied by these dark spots. The point being that one’s psyche may orchestrate these ‘coincidences’ around us.
Another example of things seeming to run in sync: when watching a ‘speech’ from Putin (or really: where he was addressing his government, on 28-09-2022 – streamed live on a news channel on YouTube: CNN-News18), he had to cough. But, presumably, to not seem weak, you could tell he didn’t quite cough enough if you were paying attention. In my mind, I considered if it would be better to try to stop yourself from coughing to not seem weak, or if not feeling free to cough for whatever reason would be a sign of weakness. As that second thought had formulated in my head, and as such ‘took effect’ and overshadowed the other argument – when Putin ended his sentence, he did cough up the rest with a small scraping of the throat, as if he was thinking the same at the same time. Interesting coincidence, or perhaps the same consideration goes similar and at a similar pace for multiple people. It may not be a reality breaking, but I am describing the kind of similarities that start to occur when you get psychically activated. This goes together with hallucinating. It may seem you as it were ‘log in’ to the local atmosphere of there at the time, or have been able to receive information about it before you could have known about it. This getting information could also extend to what you’re looking at, in this case Putin, or the character or atmosphere of what you’re looking at. Through these hallucinations, and the ‘response’ you get through what the transformations look and behave like, you may get the feeling you’re exchanging information with and/or talking to the subconscious of what’s in front of you or the field as a whole, or entity/anomaly. I once saw Luigi eating soup (while hanging upside down from a branch with his legs), things could become really beautiful and there may be hallucinatory lights, you could see dark spots, and things could also become rather distorted – sometimes as a consequence of the deteriorating of the configuration of the resonance or energy. During the hallucinations things, may ‘be covered’ in visual snow and come with a very smooth, light or soft feeling, and it feels like an electric tension. The way you perceive the tension of things in the air around you, and the way you choose to act on them – such as when you feel the energy, and then intuitively you perform the right tricks like putting your energy in the right spot – can create an energetic state of affairs that comes with a hallucination where visual snow is in one’s vision, and where perspective may seem different.
Energies that come up, that go together with hallucinations, become connected to and ‘in sync’ with real world events. When in a hallucination, and feeling the energy transitioning, as soon as it was about to fully come up and go into the the next ‘climax’, simultaneously my friend’s (François) phone made a noise. This noise then says something about what hallucinations what you’re trying to feed the universe yields, for instance. This was the first of many, where when giving the right answer, as ‘response’ a bug flies in your line of sight. Like this anything might as well become connected to anything for any reason, but there is a strong intuitive perception that these are true. Eventually, it can become kind of like a twitch and you could see it in anything. You also get where there is an energy behind the scenes which creates the series of connections you’re experiencing, making use of the energy you feel in front of you, seeming to be connected to what and who’s around you. People may respond in such way, with striking coincidence – but no way of doing that intentionally. So they are not conscious of it at all. This makes this anomaly even seem to manipulate causality, as a truly ‘interdimensional’ energy or force. Your thought-process may also become connected to birds noises, or them coming around you. Things people say may get double meaning. In this way, an extra ‘dimension’ is added to reality. When waiting for something to load (in my case: on my phone), it may respond the moment you get upset with how slow it is in your head. It may also go consistent in other ways with this energy. From my hand in my hair, I can feel energy coming from my head in the strands of my hair where they grow from. When moving my hand in that or near that it feels as if you’re creating/affecting thought energy, that becomes apparent through having a presence to it – so is truly this ‘life energy’. Like you’re creating a field in which it exists/is aware/happens in, or through you. An effect that may also occur is where you go a bit cross-eyed, and as a new image appears or one of them disappears as you keep staring, this an interaction with the aura you’re interacting with at that time. When editing a picture, I imagined how through editing the image, it would also edit the ‘spirit’ or ‘thought-fabric’ that corresponded to that. When editing an imagine, when editing using the ‘curves’ function in Photoshop (photopea.com), by accident, I flicked the thing (the line) which controlled the way the image looks to where the image looked completely burnt out for a half a second to a second. Then, I turned my head to the right out of reflex, and saw – through this going cross-eyed for a second, this new image become emplaced and disappearing – as if literally having affected the ‘aura’ or field in my surroundings. Your thought-process may also go in sync with noises happening in your room through pressure differences. You may suddenly use words you didn’t know you knew or didn’t know (perhaps through vague remembrance or prediction). When I moved my hand away from my hair, and continued ‘the game’ of playing with my hair there, I managed to get a soft electric shock on the tip of my pointing finger by reaching that ‘exact right spot’, though I wasn’t even close to touching my hair. And through moving my hand through my hair, making it seem to grow thinner because my hand was in the way of where it wanted to generate this ‘life energy’ (in my interpretation, making that that would become the reality – seemingly). Sometimes, the misconfigurations of energy through my hair, have resulted in electric shocks around the hand I was using.
• ‘7’ often is considered a lucky number. Think of casino’s, for example. I consider it a particularly lucky number if it’s accompanied by a 9, just as a frivolity. When selecting a frame from a video (original video: https://youtu.be/0GkdExW1fpI) for the following artwork, it ‘landed on’ (meaning, when I was later making the artwork, I noticed I, unknowingly, had selected frame): ‘104972’. It has a 7 and a 9. Numerologically (adding the digits of a number until you get a number below ten) you could add the remaining numbers: 1+0+4+2=7. Which is once again a 7. So together with the other 7 and 9, that makes two 7’s and a 9.
When I changed the email I use for my Facebook account (something that I don’t do too often, almost never), when I received the security code for my email, it was: ‘37749’. Two ‘s and a 9, and the remaining 3 and 4 make a third 7. So three 7’s and a 9.
• To reiterate one more time as a sort of guide or trying to dissect the experience of becoming psychically activated (or ‘psycho-activated’): The electricity in your body is connected to the energy around us. The going of this energy is connected to, for example, sound as well: a hard sound around you can change the energy in your body. When you and someone else both turn your head at the same time after a long silence is another example of this electricity forming ‘a field’: the music among us. Another example of this electricity in play among us would be when, when you experience negative ‘brain frequencies'(: have a negative thought from a toxic thought-process), you can tell from someone else reacting at that moment during a silence, for instance: coughs something up, those brain frequencies had an impact on them as well.
Becoming psychically activated, that which you’re looking at, on a screen (live or not), and mood in that space that you also experience through watching it – and thought-processes you have start to go in sync, and it may seem that what’s on screen ‘reacts’ to your thought-processes (of course the same mood or tension can spark the same thought-processes, which can be similar for different people). When watching a kickboxing match (live: the final match of Badr Hari versus Alistair Overeem, after which Badr Hari ended his career on stage, and a couple matches preceding this final match during the same show – on 8 October 2022): during silence fighters just circle one another, when having clear or generally positive, thoughts or realizations, they may throw very nice punches – when having toxic thoughts or thoughts of a negative thought-process, they may fight sloppy. This may of course be consequence of you reacting the same way to the finer circumstances as the players. Also, the electricity in your body may do things so as to ‘run in sync’ with what you’re watching: you will feel what’s on screen very finely. When punches or kicks are thrown, you will, based on what you see and hear, feel the energy of said kicks and punches with much detail, and in a very beautiful and vibrant way (as such: as if you were there). I’ve already given the example of the football match in the story about the dove at my friend’s (Evert-Jan), where I felt something happening in my energy (my energy going up, and coming down too late, leaving me feeling like I’d missed the correct point of landing) that seemed to correspond to what happened on screen a couple seconds later (the ball coming down and the player that was supposed to receive it having run too far, as it were missing the point of landing). I’ve also given the example of when you’re listening to music, your body twitching with the rhythm or flow of the music very accurately (though not necessarily flawlessly).
When a Dutch Moroccan fighter (named Badr Hari) came on stage, and I debated in my head whether it was alright for him to sign on as Moroccan when really he was originally from the Netherlands (I have no idea if he’s currently living in Morocco or not, but I assumed not) – when I went with ‘it’s okay for him to do that’ he was talking Dutch, and the second I judged against him and found it was not alright, he switched to English (as if to distance himself from the Netherlands) – then, when I judged in favor of him, the sentence after, he talked Dutch again. Again, this may be the both of you following thought-processes that are similarly times based on the circumstances.
At times, the connections become increasingly of illusionary nature, where you can tell that this is the brain looking for coincidences as a sort of ‘side effect’. You will be able to discern that the connections become so many, so far-fetched and so random, they are illusionary. Also, I guess you could break from the ‘connection’ if you suddenly got up and did random things, but I of course was trying to enjoy the fight and stay in the moment.
• I talked about the hallucination where you go a bit cross-eyed, and how this seems to be an interaction with the aura you’re interacting with at that time. A nice example of all the effects of becoming ‘psychically activated’ coming into play is the following. When in my backyard with my friend François, I had this hallucination where I went a bit cross-eyed, some images appeared and disappeared and re-arranged themselves – which formed a special vision. Especially because of this I thought about how it must mean we are with good auras. Then, I wanted to light my joint. When I did, disturbing the silence we were enjoying – which would then seem to destroy this very delicate newly formed vision and arrangement, I heard the girl (young woman) living next door cry out to her friend, a little jokingly: “oh no! The spirits!” – in what must have been an entirely different context for her.
• I was going to sleep. At the time, I had mice/a mouse in my room. I could hear them making noises. One was below me, under the bed I was laying in. I just laid there – they were welcome as far as I was concerned. I could feel there being a sort of static electricity around my legs, and the second I moved my right leg (with no sound), I could hear the mouse (which I have decided to name Speedy) making noises right below it (after having been silent for a while). Then, almost having fallen asleep, I woke up and saw a black dog trying to climb my bed, wagging her tail. I blinked, and the dog was gone. But the weird thing wasn’t that the dog would look so lifelike in that split second, moving and well, but that I could feel the energy of the dog. In addition to a unusually light feeling in the ‘background’. It was like it was an ‘electric’ anomaly, that I could feel around me, that created the visual perception of it.
• In this story, through describing an experience I had, we will go deep into the workings of hallucinations, the earlier described ‘mind games’, and how hallucinations are connected to the body and electricity around you. I had pulled through a night (on Speed). In the morning, I lit a joint (that François had given me). I began hallucinating the hallucinations with intensified visual snow. Keep in mind that this also gives off a very balanced feeling. And you feel yourself/the brain relating you to the flow of energy in such a way to keep the feeling in the body this way through numerous mental abstractions of the flow of energy – for instance: you feel the energy going in certain trajectory, which your mind could imagine to be a line – and then you ‘press’ your energy behind the energy at the right angle in relation to that line like a sort of mind game – which is linked to the actual feeling in the body, causing the hallucination to continue. You also have to hold your vision/body very still. If you move your vision too much the hallucination is gone (through it may return when you take another hit). The movement that remains are sort of twitchy movements that determine when you press your energy and how your energetic body relates itself to the movement you are seeing in your vision to keep it still in a sort of correcting the movements through mental reasonings (hence ‘mind games’) that determine your ‘inertial state’/energy. I had begun to hallucinate the visual snow a lot and had balanced feeling. Then, in those mental games, I came to a point where my tongue was involved in ‘pressing’ the energy right, to where, when I followed this the air flowed through a part of my mouth which caused me to blow exactly where it seems I never blow the air when I exhale – and through my nose in a part that seemed blocked (this obstructed breathing noise came from my nose like when you blow your nose) and and breathe in exactly the right way to breathe very lightly. Then, the movement continued with my limbs, where I began to feel flaws in how I was sitting, and began correcting my posture and correcting them. Then, I began to see a hallucinatory hammer (mostly translucent, defined by crisp very blueish, greenish and purple translucent lines) in the ‘fog’ of the visual snow, hitting exactly at the right times in relation to the mental games that were still configuring my flow of energy. Then, I saw a humanoid figure made of a white fog in the visual snow across my room – hitting the ground as hard as he could with a same kind of hallucinatory hammer, after which I felt a kind of shockwave in the mental field or mental electricity/pressure reach my head). A couple times I was hallucinating, and the quality of my picture rapidly became of more intense color as if having been cleansed from a sort of hallucinatory texture you normally always have in your vision so really can’t notice) – and at one point, when the hallucinations were intense and the picture began multiplying, corresponding to what energy you are connected through, through your sight, I felt this tiny point of energy (like a kind of itch) sit on my eyebrow. This suggests that the energy of the aura does influence the energetic shape or shape of the energy around it. I continued hallucinating, and suddenly the mouse (which is now called Speedy) that lives in my house appeared across my room, and ran through where the silhouette was standing on his standard route. I began talking to the figure. When I asked it questions, I saw it turning a wrench in circles. Then, it was a hallucinatory version of me in my nicest clothes and done hair. I asked: “who are you? Me? Not me?” When I said ‘not me’ it began to appear to attack me, like it suddenly turned evil. When kept on guessing, it started turning the wrench again. When I said “not me” again, it became an turned evil again, until i suggested something else and it turned back to normal. I talked about this hallucinatory grain we normally have throughout our picture. I saw this quickly disperse like I had blown on top of a table that was covered in sand, when I made a sudden movement – which then began to correspond to the figure beginning to make a hitting movement. I talked about how you have to keep the energy from ‘reacting’ and continuing that movement, or you could get a couple of hallucinations of being hit that can become a little involuntary(: for as far as you don’t snap out of the hallucination altogether by refocusing your eyes). When you kept the energy at the beginning of the movement, it seemed not disturbed because the pressure you exerted (by not indulging in or not reacting to impulses of quickly reacting or for instance aggression) seemed to keep the energy calm. It occurred to me that the things the hallucinations was doing corresponded to its energetic state – and so were an interaction with/of(?) my aura. Also, I saw the figure (myself) walking towards me and looking at me with one eye from very up close a couple times. I saw it take out a hallucinatory translucent knife, which was more of the darker hallucinatory translucent texture, hold it in front of my face and then put through – in like a 2d projection. That made it so it didn’t look like it was going to hurt, not did it. It intensified the hallucination with the visual snow in an enjoyable way – and it didn’t seem bad intention. It seemed more like a medical procedure someone was doing their best on. I saw it doing it to lower parts of my body such as knees and toes, where you feel your energy, and it seemed to replenish the balanced, watery, feeling (which I dubbed auric energy/’ethereal light’) that comes with the hallucination of intensified visual snow – like the knife pried open my aura and allowed it to connect to me. Again emphasizing that the hallucinations are connected to your feeling/the electricity around you. I also felt it come behind me, and make a small movement through me, which I made myself – which then caused a slight hallucination that seemed to correspond to the movement. This showed exactly how this hallucination was aurically connected to me. I asked it numerous times who it was. When I suggested “the universe”, as meaning the lord himself, it (a thought) said “not ‘the universe'” (though it didn’t seem to particularly respond to being asked if it was (a) God, the wrench kept turning – which I saw also was a way of corresponding to a mental game configuring my energy). I asked “what are we in/what is the universe?” and saw the hallucination reorient itself to show the top of my head, and zoom in whilst getting younger – my hair changing to the way I used to have it as a kid, and turn into a baby (not me but someone else) and then turn into a circle of thinly spread grain/noise (not like visual snow, but white dots that were spread like you could draw a couple of dots on a piece of paper). I kept on asking, and it seemed unhappy with me asking this/not being silent. I also heard a thought say: “wake up”. Also, when I saw it coming closer and entering the proximity if my face, I suddenly felt myself getting an idea (I don’t exactly remember the conversation it was in context of, and so the idea that I got) showing how these auric anomalies can relate to getting ideas. These hallucinations with the visual noise, which is what the auric anomalies come about by, can also be strengthened or caused by the auras of people around you.
An auric game that was also going on is that pointed me to press, for instance, my finger to the left or right to reach the exact right spot to press. Then, to press the right spot, you had to turn/move your hand. This is what made me end up going all over the body, and it took me to for instance coughing in the exact right way, causing the slime to come up that you normally miss – and reaching the exact part of my nose where I had hardened snot because I normally miss it in exactly the right way. (Blowing my nose in exactly that spot, for instance – or blowing in the spot I normally didn’t reach – also intensified the hallucinations.) Holding your hand the wrong/right position and angle, also seemed to configure the energetic shape (in a mental game where where you press determines how the energy will send a pressure wave through your feeling) that influences the hair to come to feel and look (so be) a certain way (hanging flat, seeming small and short, or being luscious and standing up with volume) when my hand reached my hair in all the games. A different time, I had configured a part to that pointed inwards to point outward, and the next moment, I felt a slight pressure wave on top op my head. I also faintly felt the presence having entered from behind me, entering from behind me and making ‘hallucinatory’ bird sounds, using my voice, very softly. Because of all these games with pointing energy, after I while I could point my energy in the right way so as to point my energy in very good feeling ways, with the comparatively raggedy way your body normally feels finally being able to be left behind. It occurred to me it must be the presence (and weed) offering me these auric energy signatures. However, when having cleared a blockage in the inside of my nose, cleaning it in a part that I normally miss, I somehow felt like a part of the insides of my nose was damaged. Upon closer inspection I couldn’t find anything again, but because it was so convincing, I was spooked! After being spooked for a bit, I heard a thought say “he’s tripping out [in a negative way]” (in my native language Dutch: “hij spaced hem”). I also, for a short time, saw the figure in its evil mode (which was only for a short moment), stab me numerous times with its hallucinatory knife (it didn’t seem like it was going to hurt and it only had positive effect), which caused me to faintly feel the same electric shock in my foot (again, showing how the hallucination corresponds to the energy around you and your aura) that I had two years earlier, but continuously and so bad I couldn’t walk for three weeks. It had started after I felt a sting in the right side of my neck a couple weeks earlier (while on Speed), and if I slapped that side if my neck (even softly), I could literally feel an electric shock going through my nerves to/in my toes. I recall that when the auric game forced me to smile – at which point I realized I had been pointed to that should smile. And when I smiled, the mouse appeared across my room by the humanoid silhouette made of hallucinatory white mental fog. On the one hand, it is a funny coincidence that when you have a meaningful moment, an animal sort of seems to resonate with that. However, the thing to always watch is: if something is happening all the time, and upon closer inspection you may find it is, the mouse could have come out at any time. The moment before it may have seemed like it would have been linked to the movement I was making.
It would be incorrect to think of these examples as just coincidences: it is more of a psychic/mental, auric and electric connection that permeates space that is able to make thought of as impossible things happen (make things run in sync or make coincidences occur) – and can influence air, objects and animals (steer the path bugs fly, make it so animals show themselves) around you. It is connected to the feeling in your body, field around you (through, sort of, psychically directed pressure ) and becomes apparent in your perception (as what is called a hallucination). Something that others don’t necessarily see does not mean it is not real: you see an interaction with your aura manifest in the perception around you because whatever ‘generates’ the inner perception you have does so depending on your aura, which is influenced by the interaction.
This connection can get activated by substances (like Speed, weed, ketamine, LSD and other substances), by sleep deprivation, or naturally (sober). Sometimes it turns on like turning on a light. Sometimes your brain tries to get into it by seeing more and more connections between things: creating seeming coincidences – until when real truly surprising ‘coincidences’ (for as much as they’re not a consequence of auric connections, in which case it is not really a coincidence because there was a causal relationship: one of energy/electricity in a field rather than commonly observed matter that is visible to the ordinary naked eye) and peculiarities start occurring, and/or said auric psychic electric connections (and possibly the described auric anomalies: ‘spirit’/’presence’-like occurrences – which come from the psyche/’psychic dimension’ and may or may not be generated, completely or partly, by the brain – or may have deeper meaning) come into play. One may also get the truly amazing peculiarities first, all of a sudden – which then become less profound, and more and more kind of a twitch by the brain.
What happens with the hallucination with intensified visual snow/’ethereal light’ is that it has a certain ethereal, calm presence about it. When things move slightly, like a curtain in the wind, it may seem like the moving curtain is someone moving (it). This is the aura ‘speaking’ through the curtain, which is possible because of these (psychic) pressure fields.
• The following text is about objects/space being/becoming psychically ‘charged’. On ketamine, you (almost) always smell this very specific smell. You may also find your drink or cigarette/joint has this as taste. The way you smoke a cigarette, influences how it tastes in the next hit you take: if you smoke it very light, the next hit you take will offer itself to you as very light. When you take a drag, the psychic state of being with which you take it, the psychic state of being is ’embedded’ into the object. And a good state of being means a good taste. The breath you breathe/air corresponds to the psychic state of being. Your breath, like your gaze and the rest of your body, is connected to the energy/electricity around you. (During psychic activation, you could even be able to aim your breath at a prerecorded video, and influence the energy there – like in the story about the coat hanger that moved in the background of the video that suddenly moved as if being tapped while it wasn’t being touched directly or indirectly the moment I ‘aimed my breath’ at that specific spot.) Reality is psychic, and there is an actual spirit to the breath you breathe. When you get into this state of being induced by drugs, you get an overall better (in the case of Speed), or specific kind of (in the case of ketamine), breath. This may be a very powerful breath, able to take your drag any thinkable kind of way without coughing, and especially light and soft air/breathing – which comes with it tasting especially good (or in the case of ketamine, with this very specific taste – regardless of if you find that tasting good or not, that may even stay in the joint completely or in remnants after the ketamine has worn off): you feel like you’re inhaling less junk, and the taste of the product, like weed or tobacco, really stands out in a good way. You taste the product better in the sense of that it tastes more pure and has less this by-taste that it normally has, and smoke becomes lighter and softer. When the effect is a little weaker in rare cases and you start to take a hit in the wrong way, and then take small drag in the right way before you exhale, the product will taste good again, whereas if you didn’t do that the smoke may become bad tasting. This is because you subconsciously configure some kind of energy with how you hold the smoke with your mouth etc., and how you blow and inhale the smoke, which gets like a crazy misconfiguration if you can’t hold the smoke and end up coughing. So being able to exhale and inhale right depends on your ability to not cough and inhale a lot and hold it. Also, (other) things may taste/smell a certain way. Hallucination are in essence crazy energetic configurations. In the same way, lighting incense may give the air a quality of it giving you – for example – a calm awareness and soft feeling in your belly, taking away anxiety – like I had described in a story that took place at my friend Wouter’s.
When I was on ketamine (to celebrate my 27th birthday, around 13:00 on my actual birthday: 13 november – the year was 2022 as I was born in 1995) with friends (Yuro and Vera), right after I felt it had began kicking in, I suddenly stayed very still and began hallucinating the hallucination with intensified visual snow, a balanced feeling and ethereal awareness a lot. All three of us were enjoying the stuff by that time, they didn’t disturb me and seemed to look at/feel it with me. What happened in my trip was in sync with what they did (we were directed by the same thought current), and the exact moment my trip ended one of them said something after us being silent quite a long while (again, directed by the same thought current, tapping into the same energy). Also, the music began to seem to be in sync with my trip (as if this was all working towards and oriented around this divine moment through an unthinkable way of sequences of causalities having lead up to it). So I was having the hallucinations, slowly but surely in the trip, we were getting acquainted with one another, so as to elevate ourselves to the next level of sublimeness that ordinary circumstances don’t really permit. Configurations of the body (the way you carry yourself) were becoming perfectly tuned, and the space around us was becoming sanctified (as the space you’re seeing – looking like a big surface of visual snow – gives off this very good feeling, calm, balanced/’feelingless’ feeling, that is like the total opposite of a draining/sucking feeling) in this ‘spiritual cleansing’. We were getting in higher moods, our bodies were able to relax and readjust in ways one normally could not. After a while (and this has to do with the reconfiguration/cleansing of the stomach/vomiting system/movement), I had to throw up. I ran to the toilet across the hallway outside of my room. As soon as I walked outside of the sanctified space in my room in between us where we had been staring at while hallucinating, that was in such a fine relationship with/connected to our bodies, I could smell a certain type of smell, that is a typical ‘ketamine smell’. (Keep in mind I share the house where I live with others – I just rent a room. So it isn’t my hallway, but it is a sort of ‘public’ space where everybody who comes into the house steps through.) I intuitively interpreted the smell as having just stepped into the rough spiritual waters that weren’t spiritually cleansed (even if that was just a hunch and not a proven fact whatsoever) as it was a different space, so corresponding to a different idea in the mind, than my room. This sensing the smell all was in a fraction of a second. I ran to the toilet and vomited. But it wouldn’t come out super easily in these perceived ‘uncleansed spiritual waters’ (a different time, on LSD, I had the exact hallucinations that ‘cleansed’ my room this time in the hallway and kitchen, though – so it’s not like outside my room the energy would be inherently bad, it just didn’t seem sanctified by our collective trip this time): there was a kind of resistance/counter pressure coming from the air around me that caused it to not come out so easily. When I walked back into my room, I immediately vomited up the rest (as if it was being pulled out of me) in the flawless way (one that feels perfect to the body) and super easily. The vomit would come out more easily in the space that I perceived as harmonized through (our/)my hallucinations, which includes harmonizing through and with the body and its configurations. It shows how the psychic state of being is connected to and influences our bodies through how one perceives the space around one to be. After I had thrown up in my room, I immediately felt a lot better – as I had been able to do so in exactly the way the body would want: in a completely harmonized space/environment, so without resistance.
• The following is me going deep into what the mental configurations or ‘mind games’ I talked about, and how they are configuring your energy. I talked about how you target a certain spot to feel the energy in the right way through just about anything: saying a letter in the right to hit the right spot in your mouth, which then clears that spot or hits an energy connected below your legs and feet in the thought mind frame of your mental focus: it represents something in a mental framework, and you hit it at the right time and place naturally (this is automatically arranged around it), or natural movements around which our bodies are programmed like biting two teeth together. If your tooth has ever broken off, you will find that to configure the energy right, a natural bite no longer makes them come together and you have to bite a little differently to make the teeth hit one another. Some people also have this twitch of a small bite with the front teeth. This is also used by the body in configurations subconsciously, which is causing it. More examples include your hand and curling your hand a certain way or even holding your hand by your hair determining how the hair ends up feeling and looking (good voluminous look or depleted look and feel). It really completely molds and shapes your energetic body. To name a few examples. Holding your hand next to your hair, or anywhere the opportunity presents itself, and feeling the energy in your hand with the right ‘weight’ aimed at the right angle. Twice, through feeling a spot with my finger in the air, and moving my finger having it touch to the spot at the fingertip – which turned out to move as I kept hitting it at the same feeling spot. Doing this, I curled the energy a to point outward instead of inward in a small curl, and an small short explosion of this rubbery feeling soft energy in your feeling happened. What you/the body may also end up doing is creating a pressure wave pointing the energy at the place you want to create a pressure wave with, which you then shortly feel because of that, and that is how your brain learns how to flex those muscles. These opportunities present themselves after Speed and weed. Also, this making it really easy to focus your energy in really light/good feeling energy by pointing/holding it at the right angle or the right curve. Also, music making the energy flow in the right way through the sound and timing, or bird noises targeting exactly the right spot in the brain. Pointing the energy to make it go in the trajectory making it create small circling curves, like creating the outward pointing curl by my hair, seems to create radiances of this energy/very light and balanced feeling energy that is connected to your energetic body/feeling you feel in – or tension on – the body.
They do correspond to actual energy around you. By hitting a spot in your brain with your focus repeatedly at a rhythm to create the illusion of resonance, you can create a pressure wave in your brain the right spot. One time, I couldn’t make pressure waves in my left ear anymore because somehow the energy had come to point inwards. Through focusing my energy in this way, I had managed to send a pressure way outward at just the right spot and this way the muscles in my ear/hearing could flex in the right way, and slowly I recovered from my ear having caved in under energetic pressure. What’s interesting about this is that your focus and mind create the energetic manifestation in and around your body. This energy also is connected to your energy hitting at the right angle to determine how the awareness looks. Again, the described hallucinations come about from interesting or extreme configurations of a certain energy you have attached below your feet and legs, that creates manifestations such as spiritually/energetically directed pressure differences – which made a sound come from my little cabinet once when I went from a very light presence to very heavy presence suddenly appearing in my room, like I talked about previously. Or making hallucinations with very ethereal presence, increased visual snow and balanced/light/good feeling. And it also has to do with energy/air being able to pass through certain systems and places in the body, unblocking them – which corresponds to your body configuring the energy through how it points the energy. Say you sit in the wrong way: this corresponds to a wrong attitude. It is just about everything. How you hold your limbs, your mouth, how you look out of your eyes, the look on your face – to some are mental and point the energy in lighter frequencies than are physical: the resonance/energy influencing how one’s awareness looks.
On ketamine, one – as it were – taps into a ‘mainframe’ that may have you thinking about profound things (about your life or if you will be happy with it if things keep going the way they go, as an example) or has you have profound realizations (like seeing how you’re the expression of something living that plays around in itself creating manifestations), to which animals seem to respond (every time I do ketamine, one of the mice in the house where I live exposes itself) and others respond through these ‘exercises’ where you verify one another’s intimacy (as a way of sanctification, which is also reflected in the harmonization of the space between you/change in the psychic charge of the space, which also happens through these hallucinations) where you/others have to give input (like a phrase or response to something in approval/disapproval of what presents itself to one) or a sign (like the ‘OK’-hand sign or like a gang hand sign or something, like a sign that has come to represent something good to you), and to which others respond with their own ‘verification’ from their own spaces, in sync with your own inner monologue/dialogue. Or, for example (this happened to me as well), the moment your space is over, the girlfriend of your friend starts complaining she’s hungry. This ‘mainframe’/the universe, with which you conversate, is like an invisible force that is steering the conversation you have within yourself and determines(: seems to control, or at least direct) what happens outside of you. Other realizations I’ve had on ketamine were how we are part of a cosmic cycle of birth/rebirth, and how that is built into my being and my relation to my surroundings. Other effects of ketamine include being in a very light, dreamy, almost nearing subconscious – and in that sense primordial state – of awareness. Being in this state of bliss can completely heal your energetic body: as it were by setting everything in its ideal configuration – that requires a level of fidelity and sitting still/stillness one ordinarily may not reach so soon.
One sitting so still mutually arises with these hallucinations happening, that require a somewhat stationary vision: the intensified visual snow and the nitrous oxide-like feeling in your body – or sometimes a very soft, and loving feeling. Very soft and light. This energy being your entire focus, without the static noise – being the feeling in the body – one normally had besides it. In fact: it is this static noise – again, the feeling in the body – that is configured in these energetic ‘mind’ games that determine how the energy is configured that I’ve talked about (also in relation to other substances such as Speed, weed, and really anything that gives you an extreme high). These energetic ‘mind’ games lead to the configuration of this static creating a pleasurable feeling/cancelling itself out in a pleasurable way. What may also happen is your fingers barely/almost touching something/one another/sometimes possibly even a spot in the air, so as to create a tension – bearing these hallucinations/soft feeling, which you may then find are a certain tension in the space around you, which also influence, for example, air, and can influence material: from making a noise come from my little c when a heavy feeling presented itself in the room, to influencing one’s hair – as described. It may be (mostly look and feel) as if these ‘tensions’ are or become presences at certain point, or so-called ‘spirits’ (which can come about from substances and induce these energetic ‘mind’ games, which reinforce them) – which then gives rise to that instances that I’ve described on this website pertaining to these hallucinations seeming to get a will of their own.
• A good example of hallucinations getting a will of their own, or becoming a world of their own is the following hallucination I once had. My vision went a bit cross-eyed, and in the blur I began to see one hallucinatory shape very clearly and crisp. So I focused on it. I saw a white ball, made of the same semi-transparent white haze the other I talked about was made of (although it happened like one and a half years earlier). This ball had like the hose, which functioned like the hose of a vacuum. I heard a thought/(female) hallucinatory voice say: “what’s he doing?” (In my native language Dutch: “wat doet ‘ie?”), and I heard a thought/(male) hallucinatory voice reply: “he’s taking us away” (in my native language Dutch: “hij haalt ons weg”). The hose began moving and 'vacuuming' ‘evil forces’. At one point, I blinked, making the hallucinatory shape less visible ever so slightly – and the hose 'vacuumed' away a translucent dark spot on my vision from the spot where the urge to blink originated, and then the hallucination could proceed. As it 'vacuumed' away the evil forces, I could feel the busy thoughts in my head being replaced with a calmness. Then, it began to ‘paint’ my walls in a white-blueish hallucinatory color, so as to cleanse my room. When I had trouble focusing it began doing it systematically in straight lines, so that I could focus on it more easily. When it was done, there still was a kind of smell in my room – which I associated with evil forces at the time. So I remarked that it still was a little smelly inside, and I heard a thought say: “are you ready?” (in English). Then, it raised the hose to my face, and I saw this white translucent hallucinatory fog-like smoke come out, which, smelled and felt like this super fresh – even a little cold – air to my face. Upon closer inspection the smoke had the (moving) dark silhouettes of dozens of flying geese in it (like someone had applied an animated 2d texture to the smoke). A different time, this same ball of white haze with the hose appeared again, began 'vacuuming' away ‘negative forces’, and suddenly – completely having forgotten I really was in my own room – I found myself in someone’s living room, on a white couch, with someone vacuuming to the left of me. I asked: “where am I?” (in my native language Dutch: “waar ben ik?”), and a second later, I snapped back to reality. A quirky little detail is that when I told my friend Wouter about this, he said: “oh, so you devoured that man?” (in my natve language Dutch: “oh, dus die man heb je opgepeuzeld?”).
• I was at home, was on Speed and smoking a joint. I was getting these ‘hallucinations’ with intensified visual snow, with very balanced feeling and ethereal presences. The feeling in my body was very light. After a while, a mouse came walking into my room from behind the door slowly, and emitted this very ethereal presence, and balanced, calming feeling. Later, he returned, and I – already high – could feel my thoughts shifting to a more calm state as if influenced by the mouse emitting this very balanced, twinkling, calming feeling with very ethereal presence that you could see in the form of all the hallucinations I’ve mentioned – primarily of which the increased visual snow. I could tell the mouse knew it was safe for him to come out as long as I was participating such calm energies, ethereal presences and hallucinations.
• When I was in The Hague, while on the run for the people who wanted to put me in a psych ward, I was talking to the birds in my head. I was hanging out at the Binnenhof (where the government is located). At one point, I got food from some people. When they were gone, I put some food down for the seagulls and said to them in my head: “if I eat, you eat”. The moment I said that, many seagulls came from the roof, where you can’t see them, and flew over making their heartfelt noises (they were high up and weren’t coming for the food I had put on the ground).
• At a party at my upstairs neighbor, I got gaslighted in all kinds of mind games where I would have to react in a certain way to direct my energy in a certain way. I thought to myself “I could do that… But I won’t” (in my native language Dutch: “dat zou ik natuurlijk kunnen doen… Maar dat doe ik niet”), at which point I made an ‘x’-gesture with my finger (not very big, just very subtle, not anything anyone could see or would notice), which I had arranged with myself meant I want to cancel the last thing I did beforehand (nature is a supercomputer: in mind games where you have to do things just right, you can simply state your intention and say you want to direct your energy in that way). The moment I made the ‘x’ gesture, a dove flew to the exact spot in the sky I was looking at through the window, and flew off.
• One night on speed, I had decided that the air in my room would be free of distortion: dark spirits. As I executed the ‘program’ (as if ‘programming’: “create a program”, I jokingly called it ‘air.exe’, “make air free of distortion. Execute.”) a deep rest fell over me and I sat still for one to two hours (like one and a half). Meanwhile I was looking at the text on my phone. Whenever a piece of text turned yellow in my hallucinations, or a hallucinatory black dot would appear in an ‘o’ in the text, (it was in the evening but everyone was still awake) somewhere in a neighboring house, you would hear people start talking, as if the peace was truly disturbed. When I ‘re-executed’ the program, created and executed a program to decrease yellow or increase blue by so many percent (my preference was a 150% to 5000%) the shapes would disappear and peace would re-emerge. As I said, this went on for a good one to two hours (like one and a half) until power dropped to where executing the command was not as strong anymore. These are the powers you may get when psychically activated.
A different time, I was in the backyard. The kids at the school behind my house produce a lot of noise, and being very high on Speed, I needed them to be quiet. I began to focus my convincing power. I reasoned that by bluffing something to be the case, it would actually become the case. I said: “and now….. the children are quiet.” And by fiercely believing it to hold the convincing power for it to hold true, it actually became true. When I slowly began to lose the focus of ‘convinced’ energy, the children would slowly begin to talk and then yell again. Like this, things can begin to run parallel with you.
• In order to show to what extend the hallucinations can build realities around you, the following true story. I was, once again, very high on Speed. I had been hallucinating all kinds of things all day. That evening, my head began to feel like it couldn’t resonate the way it wanted to: as if something above me was pushing my energy down. When I went to the backyard, above the neighbors backyard, I saw a black spot hovering in the air. I figured this must be something negative like auric obstruction or interference – or someone else psychically and without knowing attacking your energy. As I walked to the kitchen, because my head felt like energy couldn’t move freely there anymore, shot down to about my heart, and heard the ‘enemy energy’ in my thoughts saying something like: “better to keep it down there from now on”, like it would want to prevent someone to reach a point where there focus comes from their head (I called it ‘reaching the highest chakra’). I, however, tried to push it up, which went to an extend. Then, I adressed the black spot hovering above the neighbor’s backyard. I had imagined/learned that by making a shooting gesture at them, you could actually hit them energetically. So, I made the gun gesture at it – and instantly, I saw it fly inside the house to the first floor above ground level, nect to which it had been hovering. And, instantly, the obstruction was relieved from my head and I began to see hallucinatory shapes like crazy, with a transparant translucent blueish purplish discs with a wavy outline spin into a round stationairy one – from which came this balanced feeling. And my head finally felt like it could fully resonate again. I do feel I need to explain that, once, I started guessing what these dark spots I was seeing could be. When I guessed ‘aliens’, suddenly they were all over the wall of the gym across my backyard, where I was standing, and I heard hallucinatory voices/thoughts say: “intruder! Intruder!”. When I then guessed that it was something else, suddenly, they all disappeared. Point being that confirmation bias also plays a role when dealing with these hallucinatory manifestations. They, however, also corresponded to heavy auric obstruction I was feeling at times, where it became this slightly inconvenient/painful static background noise with hallucinations of weird black and white patterns (like straight lines at a 45 degree angle) in my vision – instead of the feeling of pure balance.
• I was at home, on Speed, smoking a joint. I was making artworks for Infinity Essentials Art. I noticed a mouse near me on the floor, so I sat perfectly still to let him know he’s welcome. He quickly walked off. I heard him making some noises from quickly walking on the floor. I was already talking quite a bit to myself, guiding myself through the process of making the artwork, and getting all kinds of ideas. Then I got the hallucination of ethereal awareness and intensified visual snow. I asked the mouse in my head, without talking: “can you hear me?” – and at that moment the mouse appeared from behind the bed – but this time not the sudden movements they normally make and he did up until that point, but especially calmly, relaxed and slow. I proceeded with saying in my head: “I know you can hear me”. And as he moved very calmly and relaxed – with an ethereal presence and calming energy that could definitely be felt coming from him (which sensitivity was enabled by the weed) – he let me eye him with no issue, and walked really quite close to me. I think that if he felt my energy with at least the same sensitivity, that might be the reason he can derive and understand from that what kind of thought I’m thinking – especially given that I could feel myself how their presence directed my thoughts towards silence in the (true) story a couple stories above this one, which made the correlation between the thoughts you’re thinking and the energy you are in contact with very appearent. Besides that, I wouldn’t know how this was possible. But it definitely felt like an auric interaction, and not like a coincidence at all (it would be far too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence, as well). I proceeded to look straight ahead of me again so he could walk off at his own pace. A bit later, when I had continued working on my art, I noticed him quickly walking away on the floor from right besides me. I hope this true story changes people’s attitude towards these animals, and that people know that they are in fact intelligent beings.
• I was at home chilling with Yuro on LSD, and a bit of ketamine. We were in the aftermath of what had been a good night. While Yuro was sleeping on the couch, I had been listening to a short preview of a song on repeat. By the time Yuro had woken back up, the bassline was still going through my mind every so many seconds on a loop. After a while, Yuro remarked: “do you hear that? It’s like this low tone”. Me, who, high-spiritedly didn’t dare think it could be from the bassline I was playing in my head, decided to – after a brief pause – play the loop one more time in my head. And the exact moment the same bassline that had been looping in my head a zillion times, set in – Yuro remarked: “that! Do you hear that?” Making apparent that our minds can be connected in this way.
• Something that happened to me on LSD was that when I experienced a moment of extreme balance, the 4G on my phone would be interrupted for a couple seconds (the icon in the status bar disappeared). This doesn’t ordinarily happen. This happened twice. This shows the energetic connection between things, and these ‘hallucinations’ or energetic presences.
• The universe is intelligent in creating these alignments between seemingly separate factors, as the things being aligned with one another, and this working through the reality, are pure creativity – as are the, for instance, double meaning that is found in what others say. Because it also seems to influence things outside of you, it would seem be something bigger than yourself. It works through an energetic connection that forms a field and stuff around us. It understands how you interpret things/the meaning behind things for you. And through energetics of the body, where things within your body start and mind start to align with the outer world and what other people say on some occasions. These connections of what people say may be postulated by the mind, but are also connected to hallucinations and things that happen outside of you – to where coincidences start occurring. This can literally make things within your consciousness intentionally align – and things in the outer world with it. Like in the story about the loud siren noise (a single boop) that went off at the shopping center, the moment a single twitch or ‘electric’ impulse had gone through my lower right back while sitting on a bench. I talked about the numerological 7’s and the 9’s and 10’s. It so would happen that there is an episode of Jimmy Neutron where there was a number 23 and 34 in a row (3+4=7, 7+2=9, 7+3=10). It is not that often that numbers are mentioned in the show. I watched it at Sarahn’s with Yuro and some other friends (his girlfriend had put it on). And it linked back to my childhood – when I used to watch Jimmy Neutron more regularly. And it particularly was an episode with jokes aimed at adults. So when the numbers occured during that episode, it struck a chord. It would seem you are talking to something bigger than yourself. It seems like the universe orchestrates these things around you through everyone and everything, or whatever you are interfacing with in your thoughts can also control things outside of you and creates these connections around you. This can also be both a positive and a negative force.
• The day after the night from the previous story (we had pulled through a night), I was on Speed and ketamine with Yuro – and I was ‘psychically activated’, hallucinating and whatnot. I was looking at my art and contemplating some things in my mind about what just happened the moment before or something. I was very focused when looking at my art, hallucinating a bit. So when something happens on the screen of my phone then, it can disturb me. As I was done with my sequence of thoughts, my phone had lowered to below 5% without me noticing (perhaps my subconscious or mind was looking along to check it, who knows…), which is when it starts shutting of the screen after 30 seconds of inactivity. So as I was done, I heard a very faint thought yelling ‘achtung!’ (which means something like ‘watch out!’ in German), and the moment following that the screen shut off, like not even half a second later – which could otherwise have disturbed me during my hallucinations (basically seeing the art but looking extra nice and beautiful). But I remember very clearly that the screen was still on during me hearing the voice. It was as though something somehow knew that the screen was about to shut off, and it wasn’t me because I wasn’t counting for the screen to shut off as I hadn’t even noticed the battery had went from 6% to 5%. So that exactly as I was at the end of my thought-process, the screen was about to shut off. That which is responsible for that those things could happen parallel to one another(: the orchestrating force), was apparently also able to tell the screen was about to shut off ahead of it happening, and able to time the conversation I was having with myself accordingly, tell that the screen shutting off would disturb me (and know what that would even mean: something negative), and know what a moderately appropriate response would be.
• A sort of by-product of becoming psychically activated is that things people say or do may begin to pertain to you or ideas that you had. One day, I had learned something new, and someone said: “well, that’s the first time he went to [some random town]”, and in my mind it was automatically linked to meaning that that random town would represent the new thing I had learned, and the ‘going to’ the learning.
On Speed, I had convinced myself that the dead live through us, and that when we eat, they can get ethereal light or feed themselves otherwise from that. I decided I only wanted to eat healthy from that moment on. I would only get vegetables and meat for the next couple days. Conditions got a bit more hostile, I cycled past a man who looked me in the eyes when he said to someone he was talking to: “then they ask him to also eat for the neighbor, and then he’ll only give him some lettuce” (in my native language Dutch: “dan vragen ze hem of die ook voor de buurman eet en dan geeft ‘ie ‘m alleen maar een blaadje sla”). Later, at night, I went to the store, wondering if I should get some candy. At first, through this hearing people say things to others, I was getting all kinds of compliments and friendly things like: “he always knows a solution for everything” (in my native language Dutch: “hij heeft altijd overal een oplossing voor”). The moment I said to myself I would only get healthy stuff, the entire mood changed to where I would only receive unfriendly ‘feedback’. I remember a woman saying “beep boop beep boop, I am not a robot, am I?” (in my native language Dutch: “biep boep biep boep, ik ben toch geen robot?”), as if to imply you had to be like a robot to only eat healthy food. First in the store, and then later at the register. I talked to her when I went with the joke and said the same to her in a most friendly way. Eventually, I had first reduced the conflict of whether to buy healthy food or not to to buying either applesauce, which would make for a peaceful feedback as it represented the ‘unhealthy’ choice, or apples, which led to the more negative feedback, representing the ‘healthier’ choice. I remember that when I went to sit by the water, there was a group of yougsters near the other closed stores, and sounded very loud and disturbing. After a while, whenever a nervous feeling would arise in my body they would kick or slam with their bicycles into the doors of the closed shops.
I had gotten the impression that others would smell very disturbing smells when I walked by. Even when I had showered and put on clean clothes. When I was at the store, at the other side of town, a man (with brown hair), visiting the store with his family, made an obvious pointing gesture with his thumb pointing to the exit of the store, which seemed to me to be directed at me – and he stood there waiting for me to walk by as I put away my cart and did. Whatever may have been the case, these seemingly striking events may occur.
When I went by train to Germany, and had run out of money. So I couldn’t buy a ticket for the train. When I got caught, apparently, I was so nervous that while she was calling somebody or something, she suddenly turned to me and said loudly, in German: “shut up!” (in German: “fresse halten!”). This would be an example of energetics influencing the reality. When I was in Germany, I had travelled all across the country trying to get home. At first I was in Cottbus, which region looked rather depressing where I was, lots of old, concrete and abandoned buildings. There, I took a bite from my sausage. Later, at night, I was somewhere near Leipzig, in the picturesque mountains. I remember that I had somehow gotten the idea, that in these better surroundings – which also would be more difficult to reach as it was in the mountains – the ‘breath’ (that you breathe) was better. I remember that when I was in the tunnel under the train tracks, I took another bite from my sausage. But my sausage still had biting marks in it, which caused me to feel how I had bitten into it in the industrial Cottbus – which in my mind linked this breath, so the breath in Cottbus in my mind, as it was ‘activated’ by me feeling my own bite marks (feeling the configuration my mouth had at the time). When someone, a bald man in his fifties, came walking towards me in the tunnel in the quiet and remote train station (harboring just the Eisenbahn), not talking on the phone or wearing an earplug, looked at me and said, in German: “thanks!” (in German: danke!) as he walked by – as if to thank me on behalf of the ‘demonic’ force that would have benefitted from my ‘mistake’. He was very polite, and looked at me with a smile, but somehow it felt very creepy.
When I was with a friend, and had consumed Speed, while we were driving to his place, I got some anxiety. As that happened, my friend started opening and closing the glove compartement and making all other kind of loud noises by opening/closing things, turning things on or off, and such – as if to wanting to drown out the anxiety. When we got to his place he put on a show where they catch scammers (‘Oplichters Ontmaskerd’), and it all seemed to pertain to me. The fact I saw a dark silhouette sitting next to him didn’t help either (haha). He then, while we were talking, said something like: “you have to be a little multicultural” (in my native language Dutch: “je moet een beetje multi-cultureel zijn”) as if to say I had to work with the silhouette and alike in the state of consciousness I would be on. When, when I was about to leave, I suddenly got a burst of clarity – and even the way everything looked changed a bit – he interrupted me saying “we won’t be doing that one” (in my native language Dutch: “DIE gaan we dus niet doen”). And later said, out of the blue: thanks, now he [it] comes to burn my place down” (in my native language Dutch: “dankje, nu steekt die bij mij de tent in de fik”). I still have no idea what it was supposed to have meant. He was clearly taking to me, and it did not have to do with other things he said. When I saw him a couple of days later he said: “I do feel a little rough, I wonder why” (in my native language Dutch: “ik voel me nog wel een beetje rauw, ik vraag me af hoe dat komt”). Although, in this case, he could have talked about the fact that we stayed up late.
When writing a text (about the square Christian cross representing the physical form that the ethereal light – or Christ – is stuck to, on Infinity Essentials Art below artwork 473., as us humans often think in squares: our houses, cars, screens, pieces of paper – they’re all oriented around the square shape, so the square is connected to the object-matic or object-oriented thought-‘frequency’, so a ‘frequency’ of thinking based on the outer, rather than a ‘sound’/feeling/inner-based one), while with my friend Yuro, around 22:30 (on 05-03-2023) and on Speed and weed, the neighbors were making loud disagreeing noises while I was typing out a sentence. I imagined they were making those noises because the sentence was wrong and deleted it (later I typed it out anyway, and it was fine). As it was deleted, and only the part of the text I deemed good remained, the neighbors cheered: “yaayyy” celabratingly. Thusly, when becoming psychically activated, things outside of you begin to correspond to, to be connected to or align with things that are going on with you, and certain alignments may happen – as it were your situation, or inner feelings and thought-process, speaking through and manifesting things that are connected to them in the outside world.
• The following constitutes the spiritual energetic layer, and the ways it works through one and the reality. Manifestation(s) around one become connected to, or begin to correspond to, the energy one perceives in one’s body (the electricity one feels in the body, including possible twitches – which can be energetic interactions that configure the energy in one’s body) and around one (this includes, for example, the energy coming from social interactions or music: when you feel a certain energy/feeling when hearing certain music, the body shapes the energy fields around you in a physically tangible way, this is the link between the perceived energy/energy in the inner and physically tangible energy/energy and manifestations in the outer) – which is connected to one’s thought-process (or lack thereof: spontaneity/the ‘flow’ one is in)/state of being or state of awareness, and perception(s): things may become more beautiful, colorful, look sharper, and hallucinations (including audio as well). It is also connected to one’s breathing (one may feel like the flow of breath is blocked, or, on a seemingly unrelated note, the energy around certain parts of the body is blocked – as if by spiritual/energetic pressure fields) and/or smells one may smell, having a dry back of the throat – and finally, feeling, or not at all feeling, a need to eat, drink, smoke, and such.
These energetic games may influence the way people or animals around you behave, as if these games – involving the electricity in the body and energy around you, thought-processes one is involved in, and the perception and state of being/awareness those cause – influence them energetically. Sometimes, these energetic games make you react (through the energy they ‘throw’ at you) as if to add onto or interact with the way the energy of the music moves – or the other way around. Sometimes, as if caused by what happens inside of you: as if it was made to be that way by the energy in the moment you interacted with it. Sometimes, these energetic games enter interdimensional territory. (The following happened to me on 12-05-2023.) A former friend let me hear a piece of music he produced. During the song, right after I did something to the energy – as if this influenced the energy in the music – a distortion, actually caused during the rendering of the song (and most likely heard by this person I was with – who produced it – but not by me: I was listening to it for the first time), happened in the music. As if it was caused to be that way, so it would be the way it is in that moment, especially for that moment.
• Regarding the connections between (things pertaining to) yourself, manifestations around you and an energetic/spiritual layer that is also connected through thought – that one may experience. Of course one could see any possible connection between anything. And one may start seeing this kind of connections before or after the following. But when very psychically activated, the things making up the connections could be of such similarity and resemblance – both in what they are as well as their timing, and of such consistency and continuity, that they reach beyond a seemingly impossible level (as if made to occur by supernatural circumstances, a higher power – or being a higher ordering principle of the universe).
• Ways these described mind games can work can include: ways something does something/moves (including the way music progresses, with breaks, sudden pauses or changes in the rythm, or distortions in the music) causing an interpretation of the effect on the feeling one feels – so energy – in the body, which corresponds to the space around one (this energy could even cause a sort of cloud of vapor forming in the space, cause hallucinatory smells, lights and dark spots or shadows in the space around one – which correspond to a busy or calm thought-process or awareness, and soft/light/euphoric and satisfied, feeling versus a damaged/troubled feeling/awareness – or changes the perception around one through the transformation the of invisible clouds around one which comprise what exists within them, the moving of which could create the hallucination of things moving in place on LSD). Bugs can appear at just the right place and the right time, in relation to these energies and corresponding thoughts. Animals, humans, computer devices, and really any kind of manifestation seems to be able to be directed by this energy field, which in turn corresponds to and is directed/influenced by one’s thought-process, through these mind games configuring the energy, and, as is mentioned in the example above, through the way one can interpret something, like sudden changes in rythm or pauses in the music, sound, movements, or really anything, to affect the energy/feeling.
• If I had to listen to my intuition and senses or experience(s), I would say the following. Energetic aspects you interact with: feeling in the body, or thoughts – part of a living energetic field – can begin to resonate with living beings in that field. This causes the apparent connections of the manifestations around you, such as actions of others, to one’s thought-processes, feeling in the body, and mind (such as thought-processes). This field is an expression of the universe, a universal mind in the form of a collective psychic thought/spirit field. It can change the (air and/or energetic) pressure(/charge) around one (which may cause noises like ticks and such, or even the movement of objects – and cold/fresh or smothering air or winds), influence electronic devices (cause errors, distortion in the sound it produces, longer or shorter loading times, and influence what gets generated – both when generated randomly as well as based on other things), influence or change the state of well-being or otherwise things are in (the energetic aspect of them or ‘spirit around them’), or cause what happens around you to run in sync with this field through coincidental timing (as if things had been pre-aligned to create this alignment), including what people or animals say and do(: birds may start singing or insects may appear right at a moment of resolution, as if you’re communicating with them through thought/your mind – humans might say things that seem to interact with, pertain to, or bear resemblance to your thoughts and thought-processes, as if having somehow connected to your mind, and that could seem to pertain to the energetics that have to do with/are connected to your body), and what happens(: could be anything, such as the previously mentioned manifestations, as if everything is connected to a central energy grid that can make these things – or perhaps even anything – come about) – also: across a distance, like on TV (as if psychically connected) or to a (previously made) song. Movements of energy in the body/twitches might bear resemblance to the music. Also, it can influence the content such as related videos that get recommended on, for instance, websites (as if determined by the spirit in and around the machine), cause certain numbers to be generated or occur (in any scenario, including security codes being generated, numbers that are generated in gambling, phone numbers or any other coincidental occurrence), and cause sirens and such, or horns, to go off in the distance. When hallucinations (which could include seeming presences in both feeling or visually) or changes in perception occur, these can begin to go in sync with other things that may happen as well – as if they’re energetic interactions by and with this field. This is because it causes the feeling in the body to go in sync as well, creating the sensation the energy you feel in the body is connected to this field (- also causing the hallucinations). This could also lead to, for instance, twitches happening that (seem to) resemble music you might be listening to (including when hearing it for the first time), that configure (through the twitch configuring parameters in a mental imagination representing) the energy in the body – and that can even seem to change what happens in the music or seem to cause certain noises to occur (including those that had been there long before, like, for instance, distortion that was caused during the rendering or compiling or other sorts of processing of the soundtrack) as if created ahead of time (the seeming of you to cause the noise) specifically for this alignment to occur, so as by pre-alignment – ‘making’ it so you have caused the noise or distortion. It can be as though one’s thought-processes can influence the psychic build-up of reality, which influences the energetic aspect of reality, causing manifestations. One could call these ‘higher-dimensional’ interactions, as they seem to transcend ordinary causality (our ordinary space and time dimensions) to change reality integrally and so through something where reality can influenced centralized-ly to make things react to something that happens later ahead of time.
• In light of the above, the following example. When beginning to hallucinate, or see intensified visual snow, there seems to be an almost instant harmonization of energy with your (further) surroundings that is linked or connected to it: I began to see the intensified visual snow when my gaze peered through the bars of the balcony of the flat of a former friend for a few seconds, and the second I moved my head during this solemn moment – distorting my vision – a car in the distance honked, as if caused by me disrupting the harmonization of energy through the hallucination.
• I was hanging out over at a former friend’s house on Speed, listening to some music and talking. The music was playing over the speakers to which someone had connected via Bluetooth. I hummed the melody of the song, but a couple seconds behind – which made for a dissonant or sounded like it interfered with the music that was playing. Right after I did, the music lagged (went silent) briefly (for about two to three seconds).
• As mentioned previously, all feeling in the body can become very light and good feeling while hallucinating. I was on XTC, Speed, ketamine, and I had just smoked a joint. I began biking on my bicycle, and managed to pick up a nice pace with ease. It began to rain a little bit, but the direction of the wind was a bit in my favor. Also, I hadn’t slept for two nights, so I was on the third day. While cycling, I got a euphoric feeling. I began to feel everything very lightly, and began to see it a sort of like being light-headed. It makes it a little bit like you’re dreaming. The outer world as it exists in one’s vision becomes more situated ‘in the inner’ or one’s mind (like in a dream). I clearly saw a picture (of my vision) within a black frame(: the blackness/nothingness around it), and felt like I was in sort of a computer – a being in a simulation type of feeling – or in an electrified tub of water where I would feel a render of everything that I felt every so couple seconds, one render flowing into the next. Everything consisted of very pleasurable euphoric – and therefore very light – energy. Like I was in a reaction to which plenty of auric energy/’light’ was being fed.
• When I was at a local festival, I was having anxiety thoughts. Also, when others, for example laughed, this gave the impression like it had to do with me – though I could derive it had nothing to do with me. All in all, I was having a bit of a hard time. When I sat down later somewhere near the festival, where people go out, suddenly out of the crowd came a girl I had never seen before who sat down next to me and laid her head on my shoulder. I did my best to stop the flood of intrusive thoughts. After a while, when I asked her name, she ignored me. I still was having anxiety. The moment I could no longer stop the intrusive thoughts – two or three seconds later – she suddenly got up and ran off to her friends (for whatever reason), as if responding (perhaps unconsciously) to my internal thought-process.
• The psyche, without thought having given attention to it, so spontaneously and involuntarily, may construct worlds around one – perhaps also partly prompted influenced by the state of others around one as bodies have the capacity to influence one another energetically and mentally – in which things inhibit or encourage the psychically activating of the brain: things which may seem to interfere with one mentally or which are supportive of the psychic activation. During psychic activation one’s experience becomes more mental, and the workings of the body disappear to the background in one’s experience in that sense. One’s resonance becomes less broken and sluggish, so reaches higher ‘speeds’ (a higher frequency). One becomes more sensitive to energies around one, which may manifest in hallucinations. You reach a ‘higher chakra’ (chakra is an energy center in the body) if you will. Some things will try to push you into a lower chakra, others promote or prompt the higher chakra. The thing is the things that the mind imagines around it, can also have a substantial influence on one.
Once, I hurt my eye when a hallucinatory black dot sat on it for a few seconds, and then disappeared into my eye. Once, I felt the resonating of my head was being blocked by something. I felt the center of energy in my body being pushed down towards the middle of my body at the height of the heart and heard something say in a vague thought-manner in a pedantic way that I must have learned my lesson. But I had seen a hallucinatory black dot hover over the backyard of my neighbors, figured that must be where the blockage was coming from, (and as I was saving best for last, but had wanted to solve my interference problem without the addressing the black dot prior, to see if that would work as well) made a shooting hand gesture at it, saw it fly inside to the first floor next to which it was hovering and immediately, the blockage disappeared and I could see the super crisp hallucination (so healthily resonating of the head) of a sort of translucent blueish orb or discs that were spinning clockwise and counterclockwise – which looked beautiful as well – as I was looking at the fence of the backyard.
I have also seen birds react to these black dots, all flying out of the tree in my other neighbor’s backyard when such a hallucinatory had quickly flown to stop right next to it and when I saw a dark smudge of the same nature or substance sweep towards a little bird over a meter or so, right after which the bird flew off.
I once walked down the street, and as I looked at a woman walking there with her man, heard a not so nice feeling thought-voice say ‘corona’, which I linked to the being psychically activated as it would creates a crown (which is what corona means) of ‘ethereal light’ or auric energy around one’s head as it begins to resonate and so radiate (like angels or Jesus might be depicted with a which light around their head, which would be the ‘crown’ of light), and felt a feeling coming more from the lower abdomen as I looked at the woman – as if trying to contain my energy into resonating on a lower frequency, thus reaching a less high chakra. When I went to eat a couple meters down the same road, there was someone standing opposite to me, and I noticed or perceived there to be a dark aura, then black and translucent dots slowly traveling towards me and a invisible force which then began to attack my body which looked like translucent dots flickering right next to your head (as it were like an invisible fire would look like), which you can feel like dust particles that sit on you, as you would from a static charge.
These forces come about without one’s own intention, you notice them down the line and draw conclusions: so they arise without having given thought to them. However, upon closer inspection, they do appear to come from one’s own mind:
When in my backyard, I was wondering if it was a multidimensional evil computer that orchestrated these evil forces, or aliens, or something else. When I thought it was an evil computer I saw some black dots. When considering it being the cause of aliens I suddenly saw many and heard thought voices say: “intruder! intruder!” (in my native language Dutch: “indringer! indringer!”). When I then shifted my mind to thinking it was something else suddenly all the black dots were gone.
I thought I was in contact with these negative forces which try to inhibit one’s psychic/mental activation and had acted all day as if I didn’t believe in it. In a ‘dramatic’ turn of events, I, right before I went to bed, proclaimed I did believe it after all and that I would kick alien ass! Then, I head a laser sign and saw a hallucinatory circular purple light in the left and middle side of my vision, and a red one in the right one (hence the logo for the website I made at the time about events as I experienced and interpreted them at the time: ‘Ivo Bär & Birds, Cats, Dogs, other Animals‘).
When I was experiencing (perceived) ‘interference from my neighbor’, when I went outside into the backyard, I saw a massive purple light coming through my forehead in my mind’s eye, traveling into what lies ahead of me. I felt it like a negative pressure on my head, like when you get very lightheaded. Then I saw a really big purple light beam shoot out of the ground all the way into the sky (it was clouded that night). It looked very beautiful. I could feel the energy shooting through it. I let it happen for a couple seconds up until the purple light changed into the cyan color I had began to associate with my neighbor whom I thought I was getting interference from (this had grown like this as I first heard him through the wall, had began to think he was addressing me at some point or that it had to do with me, and had thus gotten negative associations with him), and all kinds of chaotic ugly shaped began to shoot into the sky. Then, I blinked and it was gone.
The thing is that these forces can also intermingle with things outside of you, things people say or even other things.
When I was at my upstairs neighbor, I had began to associate loud bangs coming from my next-door neighbors with psychic interference. When we heard such a loud bang, I – looking at the TV which was on a channel with just noise because they were reconfiguring the TV channels – saw a black noise-dot travel in a straight line from the center to the left edge of the screen.
One time, I was walking down the street where I live (I had spent my time conversating with the birds, hallucinating beautiful tranquil hallucinations of blue light traveling on the ground, with my vision slightly turning counter clockwise at a very tranquil speed in a very calming way), and I heard a woman say to her daughter: “Oh, we’ll get that little jew down” (in my native language Dutch: “Oh, dat joodje krijgen we wel klein”) (where ‘jew’ would mean someone who is psychically activated, like ‘corona’, a ‘believer in God’ and not with the lower evil forces if you will). This made everything seem like an evil conspiracy in which the interdimensional evil forces, or the ‘illuminati’ controlled everyone around me who wanted me to stop being psychically activated to prevent me from reaching the ‘heavenly realms’ in terms of feelings like listening to or looking at birds or cute animals might bring one to for example.
On a personal note: in an unexpected turn of events, I now literally, physically, have these leeches working for, or on behalf of, the government [GGz Centraal] injecting me with a fluid which is supposed – by them – to inhibit one’s ability to become psychically activated, once a month – which, for someone who was born to be a psychonaut and learn from these spiritual and psychic things, comes at a great loss and which damages I shall of course return back to them. In the meantime, I have decided to go where they don’t want me to go and keep being as psychically activated as possible so I can learn as much as possible, which I may then help others who are struggling with mental health issues regarding psychosis with – especially given the current sheer incompetence, ignorance (lack of knowledge) and retardation in the conventional field (who put aura constraints on someone, lock someone in a small space, to destimulate someone, while this only confronts one with oneself in a very confrontational and ugly manner – as only remedy outside of medication – as an example) – and stay out of the working life as much as possible, because why would I work with or even benefit someone who deems it okay to step over my boundary onto my square meter, inject me and usurp my being from the inside out in such a gruesome and ugly manner?
• Sometimes, when talking with others, for example, I feel that I look a certain way (like less sincere, or, for example, through the tone of my voice) that I don’t mean to express myself as – through the (mutually?) felt energy that is felt in an interaction. This too has to do with the way you tense muscles in your face. While looking at my own face in the mirror on five tabs of LSD (so I was hallucinating), I was looking at my own face in the mirror. It went from less sincere to more sincere expressions, back and forth. With it, the muscles of my face were moving. I saw many expressions coming through, ranging from the way you’d want to look to rather creepy and ugly. Suddenly, a rather scary face came through, that, at least partially, came with the moving of my facial muscles with the hallucinations, that I didn’t mean to look.
• I was chilling at a now former friend, and he sometimes used to make some unkind jokes where he says something like: “do you want some ketamine? Well, you’re not getting it”. He made these jokes regularly. At one point, when on ketamine, we were all in our own bubble, sitting there in silence. I was looking ahead, and I saw this former friend sitting on the couch. Suddenly, I thought: “now he’s going to do something”. And the following moment, he turned to his comrade to his side and made one of his jokes. The fact that I was able to see it coming means we should be subconsciously connected in some way.
• At one point, after a fight between some friends (some of which are now former friends) of mine, it was as if my social network was split into two camps. After a conflict with one side of a few months, the day the other side let’s me know they no longer want to be friends, I get a call from the one side coming with a request to talk things out.
• I was at home, about a half hour after midnight. I wanted to go to sleep, but the upstairs neighbor was watching something and I could faintly hear an electronic voice coming from a device (TV or laptop or something) – which disturbed me. I said something that wasn’t nice in my head in the hope it would influence him to turn down the sound, and at that moment my upstairs neighbor proceeded to stomp on his floor, my ceiling, repeatedly (quickly about six times). It was like he responded to what I said in my head. I apologized in my head, and shortly after (a minute or two, three), he turned down the sound. It most likely was a coincidence, but this is how things happen as though they were intertwined with one’s inner thought-process when you become psychically activated.
• I wanted to visit a now former friend of mine, but my bicycle was at the shop for repairs. I hoped I would somehow find a bike that wasn’t locked. After about ten minutes of walking, I noticed an unlocked bike laying there on the bicycle lane. It was as if my prayers had been answered.
• I was sitting in my backyard with my neighbor, my friend Steven was sitting in the orangery facing the backyard (with the door open). After sitting in silence for about ten to fifteen minutes, I decided to check in on Steven. The exact moment I wanted to say something to him, he said something to me and proposed that we’d go to the store. It didn’t feel like a coincidence, but rather as a sort of mutual feeling of timing – as I wasn’t making any particular movements the moment before I wanted to say something.
• The church bell had just rang and played its tune to indicate the clock had turned 17:00. While the tune echoed in my head, exactly as I had come to the last note, my neighbor, who was sitting in the backyard while I had the door facing the backyard open, whistled the last note – exactly as if part of the tune replaying in my head. Because we had the same timing, it was as though mentally (through the song echoing) there was a mutually felt feeling/sensation.
• During leave of absence from my stay at the local nuthouse, I had retrieved some Speed and went biking. I was experiencing much unrest within myself and doubtful thoughts. I was riding over a viaduct that crosses the little river that flows through the town where I live. Underneath it were youths hanging out on this warm summer day. I interpreted their presence as moral support, because it represents the freedom to try to facilitate your happiness as opposed to the getting locked in a psych ward and having to abide by the programming of those who wished to not leave me be. When I did, I suddenly felt a strong energetic pushing force forward out from my diaphragm. This also quieted down the thoughts – which, I noticed, happened simultaneously with unrestful energies in my feeling. Though this may have come about from my interpretation of events, which means it would be the consequence of something I imagined – and so it did not necessarily signify a connection among people near one (which may have facilitated the energetic shift still – as I imagined it to be there, thus it manifested) – the fact that the interpretation or cognition would even orchestrate what the feelings do in this way – because I felt the electricity/energy/tension in my body shift as it happened – is interesting because it shows the psyche orchestrating phenomena spontaneously on its own. It lasted for about as far as I was near them, then, I slowly descended into depressed feelings once more (as happened because of the buffoons holding me hostage at the nuthouse).
• When hanging out at my friend Thom’s place – and he has ten birds (Australian zebra finch), of which we let one freely roam into the living room – I was on ketamine, Speed and weed, just chilling out and I at one point during a silence staring ahead I noticed a slight twitch going through my right hand’s ring finger and pinkie, ever so slightly, which set off the bird somehow and caused him/her to suddenly fly to a different spot. It was as if my body was affecting the energetics in the room as it was responding to them, which the bird felt. This impulse of moving my finger ever so slightly was caused by these energetics in the room – but it also felt like something, a sort of mind-force, deliberately caused this impulse through energetics to show me how these could be interconnected. Or that my mind or energetics of some kind within my body and possibly as interconnected with the space, caused this twitch, specifically for the bird to respond to it. Energetics are connected to the mental(ity): able to incur lines of thought/cognition/insights/exert an influence on the mental instrument through energetics. The mental exerts an energetic influence itself(: you feel things when you think of something, as can one sense the overall atmosphere), creating an overall psychic ‘charge’ or atmosphere within the sphere of influence of the individual. Both within the surroundings or when thinking of this person, in other words: how this person is felt. The energetics in the room also have to do with the feeling of timing: both of things happening around you as well as a mutually felt sense of timing among living beings – which may also herald telepathic influences or the psychically/mentally being ‘in sync’ or interacting with another, both consciously and subconsciously.
• My mind knew before me that I was forgetting a word I intended to type earlier, letting me hear the word information when I was typing the end of the sentence ahead of when I saw where I wanted that word, to be earlier in the sentence.
• One time, my friend Morris and I were chilling. His friend Stefano has a bike that goes fast. Morris told me, Stefano may fall one day while riding his bike, which could hurt him – so he should be careful. This was while Stefano was on his bike, on his way to us, having just dropped someone off. When he arrived, there was blood coming from his eyebrow: he had slipped on a stone laying on the road. This would seem to be an example of energetics influencing the probability or ‘predestination'(: pre-alignment) of events, because the chance of it happening would be so incredibly small if there were no energetic causal relation between our saying a certain something, and that making it like it is so, thus manifesting that – through influencing something which retro-actively influences what was to have been all along. This could be an example of the non-linear nature, resulting in non-linear causality, of these fields/networks of information – through energetics.
• The moment I accidentally thought about how something about the death of one friend’s mother could benefit my research – catching myself doing so – my one friend (Oscar) said: “wow, I just had déjà vu of this person’s mother looking like: ‘we know how you are’, looking at [my one friend]”, when looking in my direction for a brief second. This shows the internal and external realms interacting causally.
• A couple examples of what happens when psychically activated: they were working on a house next to my neighbors. There were Italians working there. At first, when talking with a friend on weed and Speed, when I decided we would have no more machine-like ‘microwave’-vibes, a bird, quite prominently, sat on the little shed next to us – presenting him/herself quite prominently. When receiving a weird-feeling energy, that felt like it was backwards, I, within and to myself, said: “invert” so as to invert that energy spatially. Then, my friend said something about using code-language. A little later, when I was writing using my laptop, selecting and considering the word ‘another’, over at the neighbor’s someone began talking loudly to an English-speaking (probably Italians or something) person there, saying ‘another…’. A bit later, the Italians said something in their language that sounded exactly like my name: “Ivo… *something something*”. I understand that these aren’t impossibilities, but they give a peek into the things one might experience while psychically activated. It’s as if the cognition directs the outcome through the decisions others make based upon it. The going of action and cognition influences another one’s action through psychic/mental connection. The going of action is consistent with the going of the cognition: there is a spiritual connection through the mutually felt feeling. The resonance of the brain is correlated with the energetic body.
• When I was on Speed, I looked outside and thought I saw a huge white light emitting glider in the sky. The hallucination looked very ‘fixed’/’unchanging’, though it was moving slowly. When I looked closer, I saw a group of geese flying in it, very high in the sky. What’s important is that I saw the glider before I could see that there were animals (even if I would have heard them, I had no idea and couldn’t see where the geese were flying specifically, until I looked at the glider more closely and saw them flying there precisely in it, as the hallucinatory effect slowly weakened upon looking more closely). This hints at that these animals have special energetic properties, perhaps as comes about from their moral pureness, and that these energies are mental: energies being connected to the psychic/mental perceptive organs and hallucinations being energetic.
• When going to the store in the morning to get some food, I suddenly recalled that I hadn’t seen my friend Fouad in a while. I thought about how we had agreed that we would hang out some time, and never did. When walking home, having just exited the store one minute ago, I saw Fouad riding by on his scooter, and we greeted one another. And it’s not like I regularly think about him either – in fact, it was this one time. Since the odds are so improbable for this to happen by coincidence, it is like something knew that I would run into him a bit later, without me knowing.
• I was chilling with my friend Steven, and we happened to be discussing faucet water. He mentioned that by my town lies the water source ‘Bar-le-Duc’. I didn’t know this, nor do I recall a last time that I discussed this subject. No more than 40 seconds maximum later, I get sent a link by my mother (something with the last name of some of my ancestors and some historical shire): https://nl.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graafschap_Bar. You can see it says ‘Bar-le-Duc’ in the screenshot below.
• We(: me, Steven and another friend) were sitting in the backyard in the sun on Speed, weed and ketamine. Down the center of my brain(: right below the center of my head), I felt, as it were the two knobs of the brainstem opposing one another sideways as a wave of sudden tension (in therms of tension in the body) went through them. I proclaimed to myself in my mind: “the attunement of the brain can be felt in the center of the brain-stem” (in my native language dutch: “de stemming van de hersenen kunt u voelen in het centrum van de hersenstam”). While in conversation, Steven said: “…then that’s the attunement” (or rather, in my native language Dutch: “…dat is dan de stemming”). (I, then, remarked to Steven that the word ‘attunement’, or really: ‘stemming’, also was what I said in my mind.) Coincidences like this are could be so improbable that it would be an indication of thought-sphere’s of influence influencing one another.
• I was sitting outside at night for a few minutes. It was completely quiet. Suddenly, in a flash, I saw a black ‘cloud’ in front of me, of dark energetic hallucinatory ‘material’. About a second to two seconds later, a bird made a loud sound as if it was startled – then, it was, and remained, completely quiet again.
• Morris and I were discussing some personal business (the fact he would have to go to prison for seeming to have threatened someone), and at that moment 'UFO Ivo' – who was in Spain at the time and had also received an incorrect/unjust/wrongful sentence – sent a Whatsapp-message to Morris concerning the exact matter we were discussing (at 18:30).
• I was chilling at Thom’s place with Thom – we were on speed, weed and ketamine in deep silence. All we heard, firstly, was the clock, that ticked every second. I put the clock outside to cool off… Then, all we heard was the refrigerator making its distinct brumming noise. In conversation with Thom, I walked up to the refrigerator – which was adjescant to where we were previously sitting (to the left as seen from our point of view) – and, having just commented on the ticking clock being annoying, commented that the refrigerator should also be quiet; and I briefly touched the refrigerator in saying that. And right when I was going to ever so slightly touch that refrigerator – I touched it – and the sound went off, as it occasionally would, as per coincidence. The very same second I touched the fridge, saying it should shut up, its noise stopped and went to a more stable state.
• I was at Thom’s house, chilling on ketamine and Speed. The very second I abruptly stopped – in order to change – the music that had been playing for a few minutes, the air-filter – which was working hard all along (it had for quite a while at that point) – stopped blaring(: loudly venting) air, as though caused by a (psychic) telekinesis; meaning: as though the change of mood in the room caused it to stop.
